


Vacation's Over

by KatieTaylor



Series: Vacation's Over [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Bromance, Family, Gen, Military
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-03-22 12:25:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 39,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3728863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatieTaylor/pseuds/KatieTaylor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve had one mission when he decided to stay home in Hawaii: get the guy responsible for his father's death. Mission parameters shifted and changed but, four and a half years later, Hesse and Wo Fat are dead.  Mission accomplished.  Steve's long, island vacation is over.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vacation's Over

The silence settles around me like a warm blanket. It's not actually silent of course – the lapping of the waves on my beach, a dog barking a few blocks away, cars on the main road two streets over, rustle of leaves in the warm evening breeze, nocturnal insects and birds waking up, slosh of beer in the bottle as I bring it to my lips. Less than half an hour ago, though, the whole team was over. They needed to decompress at the end of the week, after everything that's been going on lately. Close fucking call on Danny and Chin. Again.

Danny...

Normally, Danny would still be here, sitting in the chair beside me. He's always the last to go; sometimes he doesn't even bother to leave. Always gotta have the last word, my Danno. Well, usually anyway. Most of the time, he's ranting or chatting or talking about Grace. Sometimes he just sits here, like me, listening to the not-quite silence. It must be deafening for someone from Jersey, even if he has been here for almost five years.

But he's not here tonight. Grace was with him. He had a beer as soon as he arrived from picking her up from school and finished it even before everyone arrived. When offered another, he turned it down, switching to Coke. That would usually be when I would tell him he was an idiot and he and Grace could certainly spend the night. Then I'd throw in the promise of getting Grace into the water and she'd turn her big brown eyes on him too and there was no way he could resist both of us. Chin would have the beer in his hand almost before he'd voiced his acceptance.

I didn't offer tonight and, of course, he wouldn't invite himself over, especially with Grace. I could feel his eyes on me for the rest of night, could practically feel his brow furrowing behind my back, wondering what was wrong. I even caught a few concerned looks from Grace and Chin. I ignored them. Sometimes having the reputation of being emotionally stunted has its advantages. People assume you don't notice things. I was trained to notice everything. 

But I couldn't do it tonight. Maybe I can't ever do it again. I just... I need to think and I can't do that with him here. Not about this.

Because, yeah, we had a close call with Danny getting arrested. Chin, too. And I know that it's kinda my fault.

It's the way I trained them, after all.

I didn't realize I was doing it at the time, but, looking back, I see that I was training them to be SEALs. Danny saw it, though – all those rants about proper police procedure. I was trying to make Five-0 into my own little Fire Team; a damn good one, at that.

But they aren't SEALs.

That's not a slight against them – hell, they're as good as any SEAL I've worked with – but it's true. They're not SEALs and that's not a bad thing – it's a fucking amazingly good thing. SEALs are generally a different kind of person, the kind of person that I hope they'll never finish turning into; a person like me. Chin, Kono, Danny: they're like Freddie. And I made that mistake once. I need to walk away before I finish making that mistake again. Because I can see the tide start to turn in them. They've become hard, taking the same chances that Danny once ranted about for hours when I took them.

I smile a bit as I think about him. Everything seems to come back to him. In fact, he's the reason I realized I need to do this. Fuck, he chose a Colombian prison over his daughter. Coming from Danny, that is not okay. I never should have let him kill Reyes. My Danno's not a killer. Not to say Reyes didn't need killing, but I should have done it for him. Let Danny rant and rave about it being his right to avenge his brother. Let him hate me for taking that away from him. It would be better. 

Because, of all of them, Danny is the most un-SEAL-like. He's all big fucking Jersey heart. At least, he was before I fucked with him. He's the one I need leave. I need him to be Danno again. Grace needs him to be Danno again.

And Danny was the only one who, technically, didn't sign up for this gig; but he'd stayed, so there's that. Chin, Kono, Lou, they did sign up for this. They knew this was more than being just cops. And no matter how much things go to hell in a hand-basket, none of them will walk away. Loyal to the core, which is very SEAL-like and one thing I _don't_ want them to lose. 

But they didn't sign up to be SEALs. They didn't want to be military; I don't want that for them. I need them to be cops again – hand-picked, elite fucking cops, sure, but cops. I need to set them free to be that before there's no turning back for them. I can only hope I haven't waited too long, that it isn't too late. I have to make this right; I have to do the right thing.

So, it's time I packed up from this little island vacation I've been on for the past few years. Maybe I needed a break back then, and I definitely needed to avenge my father. That's done: Hesse is dead; I got Wo Fat. I have no purpose here anymore. It's time to get the fuck back to work. Back to the Navy.

Five-0 doesn't need me anymore. The team is one of the best task forces in the entire country. I don't see any other Police Task Force running an Op in fucking North Korea; they didn't need me for that. Actually, it's my fault they were there in the first place. So yeah, they know what to do. They've got the contacts they need with the Governor, HPD, even the military. And those connections will only get stronger when I'm not here blowing shit up every week. Because it's not like I haven't tried, over the years, to be the cop Danny always tried to make me be, but I can't just throw my training out the window. I never stopped being a SEAL and this is my most important mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like the beginning of my first foray into Five-0 fanfic. (I've got Moonlight and X-Files stuff over on ff.net and can bring it here if people are interested.)
> 
> I got a question for you guys, unrelated to this story. I read a story a couple of months ago (but I don't know when it was posted) either here or on ff.net where Steve and Danny are together. Catherine comes back into the picture and is stalking Steve, spying on him from next door, and has him called back to active duty. Anyone remember this? Can you point me in the right direction? I forgot to bookmark it and now I can't find it! Thanks y'all. :D


	2. The Princess and Her SEAL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to be up for work in four hours, so this has only had a cursory edit. But I wanted to post it.  Would have been finished it earlier, but spent a lot of time planning out the rest of the story. Wow, outlines. That's new for me!

The Camaro's engine growled with impatience as Danny hovered just below the speed limit. He tried to soothe her by caressing his thumb across the side of the stick shift where his hand rested.

"I'm sorry, baby. I know you didn't sign up for a family gig. I'll take you out dancing later." _Just be glad McGarrett isn't riding you hard, as always. At least I know how to treat a lady._

Giggles from the back seat had him looking away from the road for a brief moment to narrow his eyes at the monkey in the back seat. Good thing he didn't say that part aloud. 

"I thought you were listening to your boy band." His voice was annoyed, but Grace would be able to see the laughter in his eyes as he met hers in the mirror before turning back to the road.

" I was, Danno, but I was wondering why we're going this way to get to mom's."

"Just want to check something out, Monkey. Won't take a minute."

"'Kay." And then the ear buds were back in and her head was bopping to that ridiculous music.

One set of lights – that he came to a slow stop for, and gently pulled away from on the green – and two minutes later, Danny pulled into the parking lot of the Palace. As suspected, a familiar blue truck sat parked in its usual spot.

Danny hadn't spoken to Steve since Friday night, let alone seen him. His partner hadn't called and had so far ignored all the texts and voice mails Danny had left. If he hadn't had Grace, he would have tracked Steven down long before now. He parked next to the truck, turned the car off, and released his seatbelt to twist around to Grace.

"Hey Monkey!" Grace looked up from her phone, for the first time seeing they were at Palace, Steve's truck next to them, and broke into a grin. She pulled the ear buds out with a swift tug.

"We're going to visit Steve?" 

Danny nodded. "Just sit tight here a sec, 'kay? I'm gonna call your mom first." She nodded and he stepped out of the car, closing the door behind him and leaned against the truck as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and hit Rachel's speed dial.

"Yes, Daniel?" He cringed at the tightness of her voice; as if she already knew what he was going to say. 

"Rachel. We're going to be back a bit late."

She huffed into the phone, but he continued before she could come out swinging. "Not long. Ten, maybe fifteen minutes. We're just swinging by work. I'm going to check in with Steve. And yes I could wait until I drop Grace off but," he sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose. "Steve's been... off a bit. I just thought he could use a couple minutes of Grace-time." He stopped there, finally letting her speak. 

Which she did not do for a few moments. He was about to start a practiced rant about how little time he had with Grace and how he usually had her home promptly at the desig-

"Of course, Danny. Just don't be too long. Dinner will be ready soon and it won't hold long."

"Thanks, Rache."

He ended the call, slipped the phone back into his pocket and opened his princess' chariot. Giving her a deep bow, he held out his hand to her.

"M'lady, your SEAL awaits." Grace giggled – which, really, was pretty much the best sound in the entire world – and let him help her out of the car. Hip checking the door closed and making sure it was locked, he walked her into the Palace and to His Excellency's chambers.

Steve sat at his desk, hunched over his keyboard. He wore board shorts, a tee and slippers. Though his hair was short, it still managed to point up in all directions. Through the glass wall, Danny could see salt stains on the dark shirt. Focused on the screen, Steve didn't seem to hear them approach until Grace squeezed through the door, before Danny could open it all the way, and her little feet pounded across the floor of his office. 

"Uncle Steve!" He flipped the monitor off and swivelled his chair around just in time to catch her. 

"Hey there Gracie." Steve looked up and smiled at Danny, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Danno."

He'd barely greeted Danny before Grace launched into an excited play by play of their weekend together. Danny couldn't help but smile and shake his head. They'd barely left the house, but she still seemed to have a novel's worth of things to tell Steve. Despite the reason for this little visit, he couldn't help but feel a bit smug that this didn't happen after a quiet weekend at home with Rachel and Stan. 

And Steve... Danny was certain he wouldn't be as focused on a single other person even if it were his Commander-in-Chief personally giving him orders for an Op. By the time Grace finished, Steve's grin took up his whole face, including those eyes. 

Mission accomplished.

Too bad it didn't last.

"Monkey, why don't you go hang out in my office for a minute while I chat with Steve, then I'll get you home."

"'Kay." 

The moment Grace wrapped her arms around the SEAL's neck, the mission fell apart. Danny had been successful for approximately ten point four seconds.

"Can we go surfing my next weekend with Danno?"

"I... I'll be working at Pearl that weekend Grace." Which was weird. It had been years since Steve's monthly reserve duties had landed on a Grace weekend. The SEAL hadn't mentioned it specifically, but Danny was pretty sure he'd arranged it that way to either spend time with them if the Williams' wanted, or cover for Danny if they caught a case.

"Oh. Okay. Maybe another time." Another squeeze of the hug. "Bye Uncle Steve."

"Bye Gracie." Steve's arms tightened around her, his eyes slipping shut. 

Steve hugged Grace like she was a lifeline, the only thing keeping him from drowning. He hugged her like he was never going to see her again. His voice cracked when he said "I love you, kiddo." It was barely noticeable, but it was there. Danny heard it, had heard it before in the most horrific of circumstances. 

And now he'd heard it as his BAMF Navy SEAL partner hugged his One Direction-loving daughter. 

The SEAL opened his eyes when he pulled back from the hug. While they were mostly dry, it was like his entire soul was torn open and laid bare for them to see. Danny hoped Grace was too young to notice anything so deep but even before she turned back to him, he knew that was too much to hope for. She hesitated, keeping her arms around his neck. Then Steve's walls were back up and he grinned at her. 

"Go on, Gracie, before your mother sics assassins on Danno for making you late." She couldn't manage half a syllable that was more sigh than laugh.

"See you soon?" Danny didn't think he'd ever heard her voice beg as much as it did in those three quiet words; he could swear McGarrett almost flinched as he finally released her from the hug. 

"Stay out of trouble 'till then." No nod of agreement. No conspiring grin or knowing smirk.

Steve's choice of words also weren't lost on him. His partner had never lied to her, even when she asked hard questions like 'is my dad a murderer?'. But he always answered her questions. That... was not an answer. What the fuck was wrong with him? 

Grace kissed his cheek and he helped her to the floor. When she turned to face her father, her smile disappeared and she looked at him with wide eyes screaming 'FIX IT!' before she hurries away to leave the two men alone.


	3. Mission Prep

I spent yesterday doing a bunch of work in the house, as well as saying goodbye to my island. Surfing, the _Arizona_ , the gravestones – even the one I knew to be false; a sunrise run to the petroglyphs and a swim in the ocean this morning. A routine followed when I was 16, the weekend before my dad shipped me off to the mainland.

It'll be a few weekends, at least, before I actually leave O'ahu, but this is my weekend to say goodbye. I surfed and swam as if it would be the last time. In a way, it will be – at least in waters as warm and chlorine free as Hawaii. I'll be back eventually, I'm sure. I'll spend a few more years as a SEAL, until the new recruits started calling me Gramps, and eventually I'll make my way back here. If I live that long. Of course, it's entirely possible the Navy won't want me back full time, especially after my unauthorized jaunts to such wonderful vacation spots as North Korea and Afghanistan. 

I'll be leaving anyway.

My entire body was screaming at me by the time I arrived at the Palace. I'm not quite sure when that was, or how long I've been sitting here, hunched over my desk, but now my back is starting to protest instead. I stretch, hear something pop, laugh at myself.

"Maybe I'm too old to be going back to the SEALs." But no, not quite yet. After all, I had another of those perfect vaults-over-a-moving-car the other day. I'm still good to go. 

I save the form I've just completed, attach it to the email I've got started and scheduled to send tomorrow morning. A resignation letter, recommendation for Danny's promotion and one for him to take over Five-0. I've got a bunch of forms on the corner of my desk to fill out, too, that the lawyer faxed over a few hours ago. Instead, I turn to something much more important: honors recommendations for my team.

Or, should I say, Danny's team.

I've lost count of how many of these I've written up for the guys in my SEAL teams, but I've never written any for Five-0 and for the life of me, I can't figure out why. God knows they've all more than deserved recognition, almost since day one. So, you'd think this would be easier, but I think it's the hardest fucking thing I've ever done. How can I pick just one event deserving recognition when there are dozens and dozens of them, not including the classified ones? So I don't. 

I just let it go. 

I've heard interviews with authors who say their novels wrote themselves. I never really got that until now. The words just flow through my fingers to the keyboard. Everything I ever should have said to my team, but never did. They stop only when the memories take over; I let them wash over me and then continue on. 

Just as I start the last one – Danny's – there's the sound of little feet pounding across the floor, drowning out the clacking of my keyboard.

Grace.

Gracie means Danno and so I flip off the monitor, hiding my work, and turn to her just in time to catch her as she jumps at my chair. I honestly didn't expect to ever see her again after Danny took her home Friday night. With everyone else around at the time, I hadn't let myself think about that, which was for the best because I really didn't want to break down in front of her. Like I can feel myself almost doing now. 

I love this little girl like she's my own, even though I have no right to. I let her words wash over me as I try to reign in my emotions, but it's hard. I'd been here alone just a few minutes ago, basically reliving the worst moments of my life over the past five years. Not to mention that she's the key to the lockbox I use to keep my emotions in check. I think the only reason I'm able to hold it together and stick to my decision is because those memories I'd been reliving are most of the reasons I need to leave.

Another reason is sitting here in my lap, asking me to take her surfing. Then Danny's trying to get her out of my office. Once again, I know this is the last time I'll ever see her but unlike the other night, I let myself say goodbye to her. I hug her almost too tight, but not enough to hurt her. I say goodbye without words, to her, to Danny, even the rest of the team; I pour everything I feel for them into that hug. Her little arms squeeze around my shoulders. 

It makes me wonder if she knows this is the last time we'll see each other.

As I release her, that lockbox slams shut once more. The key slides off my lap. And then she's gone.

"Steve?"

I lean back in my chair, trying to go for casual, knowing I'm failing. "Hey Danno, what brings you guys by?" He settles against the door, crossing his arms. That's never good.

"You, actually. Been trying to get a hold of you all weekend, babe. What's up?"

"Sorry, man. Got caught up with some things. And I'm actually going to be out some of tomorrow. I've got meetings and errands, so I thought I'd come by and get caught up on some paperwork." As expected, that earns me a raised eyebrow. The pacing and the hands start.

"You're volunteering to do paperwork – on a Sunday, no less – you're shifting somewhere between someone-tortured-my-puppy and BAMF-SEAL-mask, and you have, and I quote, 'meetings and errands' to run tomorrow. What's going on, Steve? You dying or something?" He stops in front of my chair and narrows his eyes at me. I've got a feeling Danny's only about twenty-five percent joking with that question. 

"Nah, man. Just, you know, trying to be nice. You keep bitching at me that I don't do my share."

He looks over at Grace, in his office, who's stealing glances our way while pretending to mess around on her phone; looks down to me. 

"I'll drop Grace off, come back and help you out."

I shake my head. No way I can deal with him for much longer. This afternoon has really fucked me up and I need the night to get it back together. I try to smirk at him. "How does that even make sense – you helping me do the paperwork you were upset I left for you in the first place? You get too much sun this weekend or something?"

Danny just looks at me, chews on the inside of his lip. He's studying me. That rarely leads to good things. Normally, if anyone's gonna study me, I'd want it to be him but... not today. He seems to have come to some kind of decision and crouches down in front of me. That means no rant. Shit.

"Thought we talked about this, babe, hmm? You know you can talk to me, right?"

I swallow hard, once again berating myself for getting lazy when I came back to Hawaii. I didn't keep my walls reinforced. Danny picked them apart. Now they're nothing more than cheap picket fences.

"Yeah, Danny, I know."

"So?" He reaches up, taps my jaw with an index finger. "This is a new face. I don't like this face." He pulls his hand away. "What's going on, Steve? Tell me."

"I will, Danno. Just... not today, alright?"

He hangs his head in defeat. Can't deny that I'm feeling a bit relieved that he's going to drop it, for now anyway, but the guilt twists my gut. He pats my knee and stands.

"Love you, buddy, you know that right?" My lips twitch into a bit of a smile at that.

"Love you, too, Danno." That's why I have to go.


	4. Not Enough Caffeine in the World

"Jesus, Danny. Better make sure Bossman doesn't see that thing. It's huge." Danny looked up from the smart table at the sound of Kono's voice – much too chipper for a Monday morning. He took one hand from where it stabbed at the pretend keys on the table to start waving around near his head, pinching pieces of the rant out of the air. 

"How? How are you so, like... awake at this time in the morning?"

Chin followed her through the door, eyebrow raised Danny. "That was weak, brah."

Huffing out a sigh, Danny's wanna-be-ranting hand came down to pick up the extra-extra-venti-vidi-whatever take out cup balanced precariously on the edge of the table.

"Yeah, well, I haven't had enough coffee yet this morning." He tipped his head back, holding the cup to his lips longer than should be necessary, almost pouting when all he received for his effort was one, barely caffeinated, drop. "So Steve can take all his health-freak complaints and shove them up his Neanderthal Navy—"

"Uh, okay," Kono said, not even trying to hide her smile. Chin joined her along one of the long sides of the table. "Fun night?"

"Fun night? 'Fun night', she asks. No, I wish, I _wish_ , I had a fun night but I, in fact, did not. Thank you for asking." He tossed the cup in the general direction of a trash can. It missed. "And this is why I didn't make the basketball team in High School."

"You wanna talk about it, Brah?" Chin asked.

"Where is Steve, anyway?"

At the mention of his partner's name, the rest of the fight drained out of Danny and he slumped into a nearby chair, rubbed his hands over his face a couple times.

"Steve. Steve, Steve, Steve. Well, Steve's not gonna be in today, at least not till later." He curled his fingers into quote marks. "Meetings and errands."

"Well, Danny, that's not that unus—"

"No Chin, you see, despite McGarrett's usual propensity for secrecy and emotional avoidance, something is going on with him. Worse than usual, I mean."

Kono chewed her lip. "Any idea what?"

"Nope. I do not have any idea. And should this surprise us? No, of course it should not. He did say he'd tell me later – again with the quotes. And I'm not entirely sure if that should worry me even more, or make me happy that he's, you know, expressing himself. Ergo my intense need for caffeine this morning. Like, all the caffeine. Why does this pineapple-infested hellhole not have more caffeine?"

With no case on the go, the three finally retreated to their separate offices to catch up on paperwork, though Danny first made a detour to the coffee maker. Considering Steve was in the office over the weekend to supposedly catch up on this shit, the pile didn't seem to have been touched at all. Not that Danny was really doing much better. What with the supposed lack of caffeine, and the trying to figure out what the actual fuck was going on with his partner. Terminal illness? Death? Secret op? Doris?

Five very large, very strong, cups of coffee from Five-0's gourmet coffee maker later, Danny heard the main door to the bullpen open, McGarrett's heavy boots across the floor. He looked up to find Kono and Chin also watching Steve walk across the office, straight to Danny's.

The Detective stood, never taking his eyes off him, leaning against his desk as his partner slipped into his office, closed the door behind him. Full SEAL Mask in effect.

"Babe?"

"Danny, look, I—" Steve's phone rang. The SEAL watched Danny for three full rings before finally cursing and looking away from Danny only long enough to check the caller ID. "Fuck." He brought the phone to his ear. "McGarrett. Yes, Sir. Yes, Sir. Not a problem at all, Sir." He was waving the cousins over as he ended the call. "We got a case."

Danny was 109.3% positive he saw a flicker of relief pass over that otherwise unmarred mask.


	5. Running Out of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's running out of time to tell the team what's going on.

"Book 'em, Danno." Even with everything going on this week, I can't help the smirk as I say it. Not gonna lie, I'm happy the case ended this way so I could say that one last time. A bookend.

Danny looks up at me from his spot on the ground, one knee in our guy's back, tightening the restraints. He raises an eyebrow as he hauls the guy to his feet.

"Really? We're back to that? Figured you got tired of that one. Haven't heard it in a while." 

I shrug. "Maybe I'm just feeling nostalgic."

"Nostalgic, huh?" He gives me The Look – the one he's been throwing at me all week. The one I've been avoiding. He's asked me what's going on a few times throughout the week; made sure to remind me that I told him I'd talk to him. He didn't press the issue too much though, which was good. I didn't want this hanging over our heads while we worked the case.

Yeah, I'll admit that I was very happy to get that phone call on Monday, before I could tell Danny what was going on. I've never actually had to say goodbye to anyone before; I was too angry when I was a kid to care about saying goodbye to anyone when dad shipped me off. But it's Friday now and I'm only a part of this task force for another five hours or so. I'm kinda running out of time.

"Lunch?" Chin asks as we finish handing everything over to HPD. 

I shake my head and take a deep breath. "Let's head back to the Palace. I, uh, need to talk to you guys about something, but I need in my office first." The four of them share glances. Clearly, I've been the topic of side conversations over the week.

Danny drops the keys to the Camaro in my hand. "Lead the way, babe."

It's about a half hour drive, even with my driving. I try and let the purr of the engine distract me, calm me, but Danny's silence is deafening. He's just sitting there quietly, waiting for me to be ready to talk; I can feel his eyes on me. I really don't want to have to do this twice but, I really need to tell Danny before the others. If only because I know this isn't going to be pretty. I can't wait any longer and finally break down, taking my eyes off the road for a moment to look over at him. I tighten my hands on the steering wheel and finally begin to speak.

"Danny..." I actually don't even know how to say it. Rip the duct tape off or ease into it? All I know is leaving without having this conversation is not an option. 

"Pull over."

"What?"

"Pull over, Steven." It's probably a good idea. Of course, most of Danny's ideas are good ideas, even if I don't tell him that.

I find a dirt track up ahead and pull down it. Danny gets out of the car. I follow, and as I do, I see Chin driving the SUV, riding with Kono and Lou. He starts to slow down, to pull in with us, but Danny waves them on and he speeds back up and disappears.

Danny comes around to my side of the car and we lean against it, standing so close, I can feel the entire length of his body against mine, like he's trying to lend me some of his fiery strength. I turn just slightly, so I can look at him properly, but don't break our contact. I watch as he clenches his jaw, like he's trying to reign himself in from the rant that's stewing within him. He'll at least wait until I've told him what I need to tell him. He's expecting something bad. Hopefully it won't take him too long to realize that this is actually a good thing.

I'm just enjoying this: right here, right now. If this could be our lives – just chilling with our ohana – without the rest of the shit show that is our lives, I'd never leave. Because in the last five years, I really have come to love this. I close my eyes to savour the moment; memorizing it; editing in a peel of Grace's laughter, that face Kono makes just before she bursts out with her own laugh, Chin's zen eyebrow raise. But this isn't our lives and I force myself to remember why I'm doing this: Danny leaving Grace behind to follow me to North Korea and Afghanistan, surrendering to the Colombians, all those times I carelessly put him in the line of fire.

When I open my eyes again, he's mirrored my stance, watching me. He raises his hand to my shoulder. 

"Whatever it is, babe, we'll get through it. You know I'll do whatever I—"

Right there. That's the reason.

"I'm leaving Five-0." Duct tape ripping it is. He blinks twice. I've actually rendered him speechless. Any other time and that would be fodder for a good week's worth of snark, maybe more. I'm guessing that of all the scenarios he'd pictured, this was not one of them. "This is my last day."

The hand leaves my shoulder. A couple more blinks. Then he steps away from me, from the car; the sudden loss of contact making me feel more alone than I ever have before.

"What?" The question seems rhetorical, so I stay quiet for the moment. "This is your Task Force. You roped us all into this insanity and now you're leaving? What are you going to do, become a full time surfer dude or something?"

"This is the Governor's Task Force, Danny, that I exploited, used, for my own personal vendetta. I'm not gonna apologize for that, but that mission is accomplished. I'm going back to the Navy, to the SEALs."

Danny's eyes narrow, his hands fly, and he paces across the dirt and the scrub. "The SE—so not only are you leaving this job, that I thought you enjoyed, you're leaving your home. You're leaving us. Is that what the last five years have been for you? Just using us for your personal revenge issues?" He won't look at me. That kinda hurts, but I understand. And it kinda makes this whole thing easier.

"Of course not, Danny."

"What the fuck happened to all that 'keeping my islands safe' bullshit? Or 'keeping Gracie's home safe'?"

"We've kept the islands relatively safe, yeah, and that's not going to change. Five-0's not going anywhere, Danny, and it will do even better with you in charge. This is going to be good. You'll see. Trust me."

"Trust you? I did trust you. I trusted you with everything – with my life, with Grace's life. But this... you're wrong. Why do you think I fought Rachel so hard to keep Grace here, hmm? I could have easily followed her to fucking Vegas, but I fought to keep the two of us here. Because of you. And now you're leaving."

"Why are you making this so hard? It's the right decision, Danny."

"Why? Why, Steven? Maybe because you're being a fucking idiot. Get in the goddamn car, McGarrett." I don't argue when he goes for the driver's seat.

We're almost at the Palace before he speaks again, his eyes never leaving the road. "Who's idea was this Navy reactivation bullshit anyway?"

I can't answer him. The words just won't come. 

"That's what I thought. Were you even gonna say goodbye to Grace? Christ, how long have you even known?"

"I didn't know for sure until Monday, Danny, I promise. And I was going to tell you as soon as a I got in that day, but then we caught the case."

"Yeah, I'm sure you were real fuckin' broken up about that, too." He looks over at me now, just for a moment. "You don't even want to do this. I can see, all over your face, how much this is tearing you up. I could see that last weekend. Hell, even Grace could see it. Why are you doing this?"

I don't say anything to him. He's not wrong. But just because I've gotten comfortable, soft, doesn't mean I shouldn't make the right decision. I've spent pretty much my whole life making the hard call.

"She was so worried about you – you made my daughter cry in the fucking car on the way to Rachel's Sunday, McGarrett. That is not okay. You're one of her three favourite people in her entire world. You're one of her goddamn heroes. What am I supposed to tell her, huh?"

Neither of us say another word until we meet up with the others at the Palace.


	6. Bon Freaking Voyage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took so long. Last week was crazy with work and other things. This week will only be slightly better. I hope to be able to get the next update up by the end of next weekend. Wish me luck! :)

Danny stalked through the halls of the Palace toward their offices with Steve, who had barely made it out of the car before Danny locked it, trailing behind. He could see Kono, through the glass door, pacing in the main room. She practically ran to meet them when they stepped into the room.

She looked from Danny, radiating tension, to Steve, hanging a step behind the blond. "What's going on, Boss?"

He turned to Steve, brow arching high. _Well? Don't you stall any fucking longer, asshole._ Yeah, Danny was pissed and he figured it was with good reason. Mostly, he was hurt.

Steve chewed his lip a moment before finally speaking, heading to his office as he answered Kono. "I've just gotta grab something. Then I'll tell you what's happening."

"Danny?" Kono asked, as their leader disappeared into his office. Danny watched after him for a moment, growing more angry by the moment at the SEAL's avoidance tactics, before heading to the smart table where Chin stood, just taking in the scene before him. Goddamn Zen Master. 

"Oh, no," the detective said, leaning back against the table and looking at Kono. The muscles in his arms and shoulders strained against the need to punch something and so, instead of waving them around to animate his words, he crossed them tight against his chest. "McGarrett's not getting off that easy. He'll have to tell you himself." He turned his scowl back to his, now, ex-partner's office.

A few moments later, Steve emerged and knocked on Lou's wall as he made his way to stand in front of Danny, barely a foot separating them. The two men watched each other. Danny's pinched features almost, _almost_ , softening at Steve's Face. Another one that Danny had rarely seen. Steve's eyes pleaded with Danny for forgiveness, for understanding, but they did not back down. He wasn't going to change his mind. Danny's eyebrow raised a fraction of an inch. Steve looked away.

"What's up, McGarrett?" Lou asked as he joined Chin across the table from the men having their silent conversation. "I thought Kono here was gonna pace right through the floor."

Danny sighed and finally turned around, away from Steve, to face the others. As he did, he noticed Steve fidgeting with a small box he'd retrieved from his office. He heard him let out a long breath and then take a step forward, standing next to Danny. The Detective wouldn't look at him and tried to avoid the looks from the others. The blank screen of the smart table was suddenly very interesting. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Steve place the box on the edge of the table, but not let go of it.

"Okay guys," he finally started. "First off, I want to apologize for leaving this conversation until today. I was going to tell you all on Monday, but wanted us to focus on the case. Didn't realize it would take so long to clear up."

"No problem, boss. Lay it on us." _Oh, if you only knew, Sweet Kono, Danny thought._ She sounded like her usual cheerful self, but he could still detect the faint worry teasing the edges of her voice.

"Most important, I want you guys to know how much I appreciate everything you've done over the past few years. For me, and for the Islands. Everything you've done, all the sacrifices you've been forced to make... it hasn't gone unnoticed." 

He paused a moment. Danny saw his hand tighten on the mysterious box. Kono remained silent, but he heard her draw in a ragged breath. It wasn't that Steve had never offered them praise or thanks before. He was a good leader and you didn't get to be a good leader without doing that. No, Kono reacted to the emotion, thick in his voice, dripping from his words to pool like blood at their feet and that... that was new. It just fueled Danny's anger. His fingers tightened on his crossed arms, white-knuckled and sure to leave bruises on his own skin.

After another moment of weighty silence, Danny noticed Steve shift, standing straighter, steeling himself for the final blow.

"On Monday, I met with Denning. At that meeting, among other things, I turned in my resignation from—"

"Steve!" He continued on without answering her.

"—Five-0. I also met with my superiors at Pearl. I'll be returning to active duty with the Navy. I report back first thing Monday morning." Kono started to say something, but stopped. If Steve noticed, he again ignored it. "Effective immediately, Danny is Five-0 Team Lead. I'm sure things will go a lot smoother with him in charge." Danny could imagine the grin on Steve's face as he said that, trying to lighten the mood in the room; knew it wouldn't have reached his eyes.

Danny risked a quick glance at the others. Lou sported a raised eyebrow, but didn't look like he was going to say anything at the moment. That didn't really surprise Danny. Of the team, he was the most like Steve – not afraid to voice his opinion, but very job focused. He was also a pretty smart guy; he'd know that this went a lot deeper than a job transfer, that the task force veterans had a bit more shit to work through at the moment than he did with his boss of the last year or so moving on.

Kono's eyes swam with tears, as yet unshed. It was rare to see the young cop so emotional, but Steve had been her mentor, taught her so much, made her into one of the best damn snipers in the country for starters. He was more than that to her of course – more than that to all of them, even Lou.

When he finally turned his attention to Chin, he noted two things. First: like everyone else, the sudden news had surprised, maybe even unnerved, him – there was a crack in his usually stoic face. Second: _unlike_ everyone else, he was not looking at Steve, but at Danny. He raised a questioning eyebrow and Danny replied with the slightest shake of his head. His feelings on the matter hadn't exactly changed in the last half hour and he didn't know what he would do if Chin said something to him.

Danny dropped his eyes, resuming his in-depth study of the monitor . Kono said something, but Danny tuned the conversation out. He knew he shouldn't have because, apparently, he was in charge now, but he really couldn't deal right now. His best friend, his brother, his... Steve... was leaving him. 

He didn't know how long he'd zoned out for, but he was brought back to reality with a touch at his elbow, warm breath at his ear, and "Danno?" and he realized Steve had called his name several times. Danny flinched at the touch and stepped out of Steve's space.

"What." Danny couldn't keep the anger out of his voice. Steven actually seemed suitably admonished. The SEAL opened his mouth to say something, seemed to think better of it, tried again. 

"Danny? Are you listening?" It was only then that Danny realized the mysterious box was no longer on the edge of the table.

"Yeah. What, Steven?" Steve's face seemed to twitch slightly at that, but he continued anyway.

"I've let a lot of things slide. I've been a horrible Team Leader." Danny refused to correct him on that. At the moment, a lot of Danny was thinking Steve was an all around horrible human being; that his frequent 'I hate you's didn't actually mean 'I love you'. Steve continued on, oblivious to Danny's thoughts. "But it's time to change that, starting with this."

Danny followed his eyes down to the box in his hands. Steve removed the white cardboard lid to reveal a new, gold, Lieutenant's bar. Their eyes met again. "Shoulda done this a long time ago, Danny. Figured better late than never, especially if you're gonna be in charge of these guys." Danny made no move to reach for the box. "Danny?"

He wondered what the fuck was going on in Steve's mind, but couldn't bring himself to ask. Did he really think he could just promote him, leave him a fancy task force, and assume that would make up for leaving – and with almost no warning? Maybe it did. Maybe Danny didn't mean as much to him, as he did to Danny. He couldn't believe it, but what other explanation was there? It was time to start letting go; Steve clearly already had.

Danny reached out, took the box. "Thanks, _Commander_." Steve flinched, letting go of the box almost before Danny's fingers had closed around it. Someone on the other side of the table grunted.

"I... should go," Steve said, eyes on the floor. He turned to leave – almost a formal about-face – but Danny heard the door open before he could reach it.

"Excellent, you're all still here." Danny looked up at the familiar voice to see the Governor walk through the glass doors, his aide, carrying a briefcase, hot on his heels. Danny could almost feel the conflict in Steve, as his body seemed to try and snap to attention, even as it slumped in defeat.

The Governor nodded at Steve. "McGarret."

"Sir."

Then he continued on to Danny, stretching out to shake his hand. "Congratulations, Williams. I'm looking forward to working more closely with you, now that you're heading up my Task Force."

"Thank you, Sir." Before Danny could say anything more, he realized the politician and his aide were not their only visitors. Excited chatter preceded a new wave of people into the Five-0 offices. Lou's wife and kids, Adam, Rachel and Grace.

"Danno! Uncle Steve!" Danny sprung into action, ignoring his boss, moving around Steve, who seemed glued to the spot for some reason, to reach his daughter. He hoped that he'd erased his anger before she noticed anything was wrong.

"Hey Monkey, what are you guys doing here?" He asked, crouching down to pull her into a hug. She started to pull away after a moment and Danny knew what would happen next. It happened every time the three of them were together. She was about to go greet Steve, almost as enthusiastically. He stood, took her hand, keeping her at his side as he awaited her reply. Denning replied for her, addressing both the team and their families.

"I thought you would all appreciate being together for this special occasion," he started before nodding to his aide. The other man, whose name Danny had never learned, set his briefcase on the smart table and flicked the latches to open it. Inside, Danny could see several official-looking documents and four boxes. Three were new: shiny and black; the fourth was a faded and dull brown, cardboard frayed and worn along the edges.

"Commander McGarret has recommended you all for Medals of Valour." Danny saw Steve flinch, hard, eyes squeezing shut as if the Governor had just shot him in the back. Tiny fingers tightened around his own and he looked away from his ex-partner to a much more welcome sight: his daughter beaming up at him with excitement and pride. How can he not smile at that? 

The next words out of Denning's mouth ruined even that.

"The Commander didn't think they'd arrive in time, but I put a rush on the paperwork so he could present them himself before he leaves."

"Leaves?" All the eyes in the room, save Steve's that were still closed, turned to Grace at the sound of her broken voice. She looked up at Danny, shock and confusion battling for dominance of her features. Steve put that look on his monkey's face and his hate for the man increased, the man his daughter turned to for answers. "Uncle Steve?"

He finally opened his eyes, looking at her like they were the only two people left on the planet and it was all his fault. As far as Danny was concerned, what he was doing was worse. Finally, Steve just nodded once.

Grace tugged at her father's hand, trying to get him to release her so she could go to Steve, but he wouldn't. For the first time, Danny didn't trust him with his daughter and that... that was like a knife to his heart. How had his life – their life – so royally fucked itself in just a few hours? She tugged again, more insistent and whispered "Danno?" He looked down at her and anger and sadness replaced the shock, settling in with the confusion. He refused to be responsible for that face so he let her go.

She ran to Steve who crouched to meet her, and the not-so-little girl and the uncle she had adopted wrapped their arms around each other. A tear that Danny felt he had no business shedding ran down the SEAL's cheek.

"Are you really leaving, Steve? When are you coming back?"

He blew out a long breath, causing wisps of her hair to flutter in the air. "Yeah kiddo, I am. And I don't know when I'll be back. Maybe never." Danny had to hand it to Steve; now that the cat was out of the bag, he seemed to be done lying.

"No! Why are you leaving?"

Steve pulled back to look into her eyes. "You know Danny can do anything right?" A nod and a swipe at her cheek. "And we both know he's like, the best cop in the entire world." Nod. Sniff. "Well, he's going to stay here and keep this place safe as houses. I'm going to go try and stop the bad guys before they even get here."

"But you're supposed to watch his back!"

"Danno doesn't need anyone to watch his back, kiddo, not even me. But Chin and Kono and Lou will be watching it anyway. They won't let anyone hurt Danno, or you."

"Who will watch your back?"

Steve just pulled her back against his chest, closing his eyes again, whispering things Danny couldn't hear. He looked like one more word from Grace would shatter him. The smallest grain of anger fell away.

x.x.x.x

A few short hours ago, I shook Lou's hand for the last time, pulled Kono into a hug, presented Chin with the medal that my father, Chin's mentor, had himself once received. And Danny... I don't even want to think about that. But I can't help it. The memory of him tense, stiff, in my arms as I tried to hug him one last time, his expression cold and distant, angry and hurt. I shake my head to try and clear the vision as I load bags into the car's trunk.

My entire life fits into three bags and a guitar case. My kit bag and pack filled with my military life. A mid-sized suitcase full mostly of things Danny and Grace have given me over the years – a stuffed seal with a leather collar that says 'Steve', a framed photo of the three of us from one of our surfing adventures, a book of naval history, a watch, among other things – the rest of the space filled with my civvies.

And then there's the guitar. My hand tightens on the case's handle for a moment before I finally place it in the trunk and slam it shut.

Those are the only things I need. I probably should leave the gifts, make a clean break on both sides, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't cut Danny and Gracie from my heart completely. Maybe it's selfish, but so what? Maybe for the first time in my life I'm allowing myself to be a little selfish. I've earned that much, haven't I? 

As I settle in to the front seat of the car, a little voice in the back of my brain whispers to me.

"Maybe that means this is a stupid idea."

It sounds suspiciously like Danny.


	7. Dear Danno,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments you've been leaving! The past two weeks have been crazy, but I think things are going to start settling down, so hopefully I can get back to posting twice a week.

Danny felt like the world's biggest ass. As punishment, he hadn't slept at all the night before. It was only seven in the morning but knowing Steve, this wasn't too early to come over. That was... if he actually knew Steve at all.

The previous afternoon, Steve had made his escape – strategic retreat? – just a few minutes after presenting the medals. Danny still hadn't been in any mood to talk to the SEAL, but even if he'd wanted to, he wouldn't have had the chance. He was the new head of Five-0 and the Governor wasted no time in pulling him aside, congratulating him again, setting up meetings to help him transition into his new role.

When the two men left Danny's office, the place was empty except for Grace, sitting on a chair near the smart table and playing on her phone with a sullen look on her face, and Rachel, standing next to her and casting worried glances between her ex-husband and their daughter. Denning said his goodbyes, surprising Danny by crouching down in front of Grace.

"Your Uncle Steve is a very good, brave man, Miss Williams. He's going to do a lot of good and save a lot of lives. You should be very proud of him."

"I am."

Rachel had another surprise for him. She suggested he take Grace out for dinner and shave ice, as long as she wasn't home too late. They talked about school, about her plans for the weekend. They talked about Steve. She wasn't angry, just sad, so Danny had to put his anger aside for those few hours.

"Uncle Steve's sad."

"Yeah, he is, Monkey."

"Then why is he going away?"

It was a long time before Danny could answer her, and the best he could do was, "I don't know."

When he arrived home from dropping her off, he tried to muster that anger he'd felt at Steve again, but he just couldn't do it. Instead, he thought back over the last week. His conversation with Grace. The look on Steve's face when he finally told him the news, and when he'd had to confront Grace. The looks he'd been throwing Danny all week, possibly without even realizing he was doing it. The way he had been acting the weekend before, both at the office and the cook out.

Steve did not want to do this. Danny wondered if his friend was even aware of that fact. He wondered what had brought him to this decision. How long had he been thinking about it? How had Danny missed the signs that he was planning on leaving, or that he'd been so unhappy? Sure, Danny had been dealing with a lot of his own shit lately, but that was no excuse. Would he have been able to stop Steve from leaving, even if he'd figured it out? Who could stop Steve from doing anything? 

At one time, Danny kinda thought he and Grace could.

Somewhere in the middle of the night, his anger finally did resurface, but this time at himself. Something was wrong with his friend, his partner. Something that, perhaps, was making him run. Even if that weren't the case, Steve was leaving in just a few days and Danny had spent the rest of the day too angry to even speak. He had to fix this. Even if he couldn't stop him, he couldn't let Steve leave thinking he hated him. Danny had to make this right.

But maybe not at three in the morning.

So there he was, four hours later, knocking on Steve's door. He knocked again, rang the bell. There was no answer. Deciding that the other man might be out in the water, Danny let himself in with the key Steve had given him years ago. As he had done countless times before, Danny moved through the house to the doors leading out to the lanai. He swept his eyes across the beach and the ocean beyond, but he saw no towel draped over the chair, no Steve-shaped speck bobbing in the water.

Danny stared out at the empty beach for several minutes, contemplating what that might mean. Finally, he turned and walked back the way he came, stopping in the living room. For the first time since that fateful case five years ago, he looked at the space with the eyes of a detective. He realized one thing and it made him sick, his empty stomach churning.

This had always been a temporary gig for Steve. 

This was nothing but John McGarrett's house, with only subtle changes from the first time Danny stepped inside five years ago. There had been post-shoot-out renovations, which almost matched the original decor; there was a missing pool of blood in the middle of the floor; the addition of Grace's hoodie folded neatly over the couch, along with her vampire book on the coffee table, that she must have left behind on some visit. There was no trace of Steve, at least not the adult, Navy SEAL Steve. Danny only now realized that there never had been; he had been a visitor in his own home for five years, as if this had just been a vacation house. 

Danny's legs carried him up the stairs, though he didn't expect to find Steve there either, but something else had caught his attention – the scent of fresh paint. He peaked into the master bedroom – Steve's room, or his father's room that he simply occupied. As expected, it was empty, the bed made with the usual military precision and sheets Danny didn't remember ever seeing before. Granted, he didn't exactly spend much time in this room. Of course, he was familiar enough with both the room and Steve to know that the flat screen TV mounted on the wall over the dresser opposite the bed was new.

The only other open door on this floor was to the room Danny knew Mary used when she stayed with her brother. It was also the source of the fresh paint smell. Danny pushed the door open all the way and his eyes went wide at the sight before him. 

Once institutional-beige walls were now seafoam; Mary's furniture was repainted white; the curtains sported dolphins and the bedspread looked like coral; the photo opposite the bed was a huge print depicting Steve's backyard at sun rise; the nightstand sported a framed photo of Grace and Danny; a brand new US Navy hoodie hung from the chair at the desk.

On that desk: Steve's keys, and a large envelope with 'Danno' written across it in Steve's scrawl.

"Goddamn your fucking letters, McGarrett." 

He didn't want to read it. His anger teased the edges of his mind, threatening to return. Danny took several deep breaths as he thought about the newly decorated room he stood in; about all the things he'd told Grace last night. He didn't want to read it, but he needed to.

With a sigh, he picked up the envelope and sat on what, for some reason, was clearly meant to be Grace's bed. He was surprised at the legal documents inside, but ignored them once he found the letter he had been expecting.

_Danny,_

_I hope you are reading this letter; that you're not so angry that you never even come by the house. I know you were angry with me. I'm sorry for how I handled everything with you and especially Grace. I should have told the two of you right away. I should have told you even before everything was finalized, but I guess I thought you might talk me out of it and I need to do this, Danno._

_And honestly, I guess I don't even know how to say goodbye properly. I've never had anyone to say goodbye to before. Never had anyone say goodbye to me who meant as much to me as you and Grace. I love you two. I don't know why or how or even if I have the right, but you're the most important people in my life._

_Something else you need to know: like I told Grace, I have no idea when, or even if, I'm ever coming back to this island. So there's no reason to hang on to my father's stuff. The vehicles are in your name, now. Sell them, use them for Five-0, whatever you need. And the house is yours, too, but I've got all the expenses covered for you. My hope is that you and Grace will move in here and finally make it a real home. Just like my grandfather wanted. At the very least, stay here when you have Grace. I know she loves the ocean and my beach._

_Thank you for everything, Danno. Brother. You'll never know how much it means to me._

_\- Steve_


	8. It's a Small Island After All

So, maybe I can't help the huffed sigh of relief as I close the office door behind me; shutting the door on another damn meeting. At least it's my last one. For now. There's a chuckle from the man a step ahead of me and I feel the corner of my mouth twitch in an attempt at an involuntary smile.

"I always knew you hated meetings, McGarrett, but I didn't realize you hated them quite so much."

"Hey, I don't hate meetings!"

"Not all meetings, true. Mission prep, you enjoy."

"Yeah, well, if I'd known I was gonna be stuck in meetings for two weeks before getting off this island, I would have stayed at Five-0 longer."

"Missing the action already, man? Geez, learn to take a vacation. Besides, all that Naval Intelligence stuff they've been keeping you busy with not interesting enough?"

"You know there's a reason I left NI, right?"

We're laughing as we turn down another hall and I catch a flash of civvies and slicked blond hair behind me. I don't stop and look to see if it's him or just my imagination. 

"Steven!"

I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure I manage not to start at the sound of his voice. I definitely do not turn my head to look at him. I do not stop walking. I try and think up something else to add to the banter Costas and I started up, but I fail. The banter's not quite snarky or angry enough for me. Or loud. Guess my tastes have changed over the years. 

Whatever, point is I most certainly do not acknowledge Danny's presence. 

Costas, however, obviously can't read my mind, the bastard. He does stop. He turns around. And then I hear his voice as well.

"Detective Williams?"

I can't keep ignoring him now, so I turn around, play it off like I just hadn't heard him. He's caught up to us, now, shaking Costas' hand.

"Jake, right?" Costas nods. 

"Hey, Danny." Danny turns his attention to me, grins, but his eyes are full of questions.

"I called your name like three times, Steven. You deaf? Been playing with the big guns too much? Do I need to talk louder?"

"Oh my God, don't get him started on his complete _lack_ of playing with guns."

Danny laughs and I start to wonder if either of them would notice if I slink away. But he's still watching me, and I can practically feel Costas studying us, trying to figure out what's going on. I guess I'm screwed in the strategic retreat department.

"Hey McGarrett," Costas says. "I'll leave you guys to it. See you at 1500?" I nod. "Nice to see you again, Detective." Danny waves as Costas heads off, then turns back to me.

"Back so soon? Why didn't you tell us you were back on the island?" I'm silent for a moment and before I can think of anything to say, he speaks again. "What am I saying? You never left, did you?"

"No."

He sighs, looks around us and I know if we weren't surrounded by the Navy, I'd be on the receiving end of a rant of epic proportions.

"Well, I figured with your little disappearing act, you'd left the island. We would have wanted to throw you a little shindig or something."

"'Shindig'?"

"Yes Steven, 'shindig'. It's a word, how do you not know this? Shindig: A social gathering. A party. A traditional celebration for events such as one leaving one's home for parts unknown. A proper send off for once. And if you weren't leaving, which you clearly didn't, what's with the avoidance game, huh? Just cause you're not Five-0 anymore, we can't still see other?"

As expected, it wasn't up to Danny's usual rant standards, per se, but it was still a lot of words. I love every one of them. Especially 'cause he doesn't seem angry at me anymore.

"I'm not actually supposed to be here," I tell him, moving closer to the wall, out of the way of a small group of sailors walking down the hall. "Just helping out here until my Team gets back from a mission."

"Yeah, okay. But still. What's with the leaving before you, you know, actually left?"

_Because seeing you guys would make this too hard._ But I can't tell him that. I just look at him, hoping he knows to drop it. Another nod.

"Well, come by tonight. We were all getting together anyway. And I've got Grace."

Thank God I have an actual reason I can't be there. "Can't, Danno. We're leaving this afternoon."

"At 1500."

"Yeah. And I've got to meet with the doc one last time."

"Everything all right?" His eyes sweep over me, as if he could detect any injuries hiding under my khakis. I smile and relax my tense shoulders, suddenly thankful for this random meeting; thankful we're going to part on good terms.

"Yeah, just getting my checks done. Mission Prep. Shit like that."

Another nod; another long look. "Jake gonna have your back?"

"Yeah."

He looks over my shoulder, down the hall, as if he can appraise the SEAL's back-having skills in his absence. "Not bad." He looks back at me again, flashing that smirk I've missed these past two weeks. "Not as good as me, though."

I can't help but laugh. And damn, it feels good. "Course not, Danno. You're the best back up I've ever had."

"Damn straight, Babe. I am amazing." He steps closer, invading my personal space, just like always. I check the clock on the wall down the hall. Fuck. I really need to get a move on. "You need a lift, somewhere, soldier?"

"Sailor," I say, automatically, but don't answer his question. Then he pulls the Camaro keys out of his pocket, dangles them in front of me, and I grab them with a grin. One last time, for old time's sake.

Turning on my heel, I lead Danny out of the building. Outside, he takes the lead through the parking lot to the car.

"So, what are you doing here, anyway?" 

He shrugs. "Well, we don't have an Amy guy—" I just look over at him and raise an eyebrow. "Yeah, yeah," he says with a grin and a waving hand. "Anyway, we don't have anyone to call in military favours anymore. Figured I'd meet with the brass to make sure we can, you know," he slips into his Diplomatic Tone, "continue our mutually beneficial relationship."

"You have any problems?" I ask, getting into the car and starting it. The engine roars to life. Man, I wish I could take her out and let her loose one last time.

"No, why?"

"I met with the Base Commander last week to make sure said brass realize the benefits of continuing to work with Five-0 when needed," I tell him, pulling out onto the road. "Actually, it was of the conditions I gave for my returning to Active Duty."

His eyebrow masters the high jump. "You gave them conditions?"

I give him another shrug and feel the corner of my mouth quirking up. "Just two. They've been trying to get me back since I transferred to the reserves. Figured I may as well use that to my advantage."

"What was the second condition?" I spare him a glance, smirking, but he beats me to it. "Classified?" I nod and turn back to the road. "Not money then." I neither confirm nor deny. "So the Navy finally begs pretty enough to get you to come back, you even make them agree to conditions, but instead of asking for, I dunno, more money or a promotion or something like a normal human being, you ask them to continue doing something they were already doing, for a Task Force you are no longer a part of, on an island you are leaving. They don't teach you negotiation skills in SEAL school, babe?"

Chuckling, I don't say anything for a moment, trying to find the best answer to all of that. But there's really only the truth. "I've got your back, Danno." It's the reason I'm leaving, after all.

I don't look away from the road this time, but I still see him watching me. I'm not sure if he was planning on saying anything else, but he doesn't get the chance. I pull into the parking lot outside the clinic and shut off the engine. For a moment, there is only silence and suddenly I feel the need to fill it.

"Here."

Danny looks out the windshield at the building in front of us, then turns to me.

"I'm sorry." I give him what I'm pretty sure is Curious Face. "For how I acted the last time we saw each other. I know this has been hard for you." He holds a hand up. "No, don't bother to pretend otherwise, Steve. I know you and all your faces. I may not know why you're doing this, but you are, and it's hard for you. Anyway, I know I didn't help."

He's got it all wrong, so I shake my head. He hasn't mentioned the letter, or the house, and I can't face asking about them, so I just tell him the most important part of it, in case he never reads it. 

" _I'm_ sorry, Danny. I didn't handle things very well." That familiar feeling returns – the one I get when everything inside me is threatening to spill out – and I take a deep breath to settle the fucking stampede in my gut. "I'm glad we bumped into each other today." Okay, I really need to get out of here. For multiple reasons. Not the least of which is that I really am going to be late if I don't get a fucking move on. "I gotta go, Danny."

I grab my cap from the back seat and reach for the door handle. He stops me with a light touch on my arm. Taking another deep breath, I turn to meet his eyes.

"Stay safe, Steven. Don't make me have to tell Grace she lost another uncle."

I flinch at that; practically have to remind myself to breathe. I can't help it. But, if everything goes according to plan, he'll never have to tell her. I just nod in reply.

I start to get out of the car again, but change my mind. I pull him closer, meet him half way, over the center console, for a hug. Maybe I hold on a little longer than usual, but he doesn't complain.

"Thank you, Danny."


	9. The McGarrett Girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've broken the next chapter into two updates. 
> 
> These are vignettes that I wanted to write, but didn't think they needed their own chapters. "Mary" occurs the same day as "Dear Danno,". The rest are random, happening in no particular order within the first six months Steve's gone. (Spoiler alert: Steve's gone longer than six months.)

**Mary**

Leaning up against the workbench in the garage, Danny gave the Marquis the evil eye. He couldn't be mad at Steve anymore, didn't have it in him since Grace turned those sad eyes on him. He could, however, be angry at an inanimate object that hated him as much as he hated it. Yep, he had no problem with that at all. Especially as it was now, apparently, his. 

Theoretically, he could sell the damn thing and get, what, fifty bucks for it maybe? A nice day out for him and Grace.

Yeah right, like he'd actually get rid of John McGarrett's car. Steve would regret that decision when he got back – whenever he finally came to his damn senses, that was. Hell, maybe Danny was no better than Steve had been all these years – leave the elder McGarrett's shit right where it was. No, wait, that wasn't right at all because John McGarrett was actually dead; Steve would actually come back. You know, eventually. Probably. More than likely.

He drained the bottle in his hand and set the empty behind him on the workbench. Two down of the fresh six pack he'd found in Steve's otherwise mostly empty fridge. Bastard had kinda thought of everything.

As he stood there thinking about maybe going for a third, his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and checked the caller ID. Well. Maybe Super SEAL hadn't thought of everything after all. _Guess even Ninja SEALs aren't perfect. Who knew?_ He accepted the call and brought the phone to his ear.

"Hello, Mary. Everything all right?"

"Well, that's what I was calling to ask you. What's wrong with Steve?"

Danny raised his eyebrow even though there was no one around to see it. "Mary. You know that list is endless. I'll use up all your minutes if I go through all of the things that are wrong with that Neanderthal." Humour. That was always good, right?

"Danny, I'm serious. Is Steve okay? He's not answering my calls. Is he... is he okay?"

Closing his yes, Danny took a deep breath, regretted not getting that other beer before he answered the call. What did it say about him that he didn't even think about calling Steve when he realized what he'd done? No, that's probably not true. His brain probably had the thought, realized he'd probably get the same result as Mary and didn't brother letting him in on the idea.

"Yeah, he's good." 

"Well, do you know where he is? I really need to talk to him."

"What's wrong, Mary?" Danny tried again, hearing the break in her voice.

"Well, I just got this box yesterday. It's got a bunch of our folks' stuff in it and I... I just don't know what's going on and I can't get a hold of him to talk to him. I've been trying since yesterday afternoon. I mean, why is he sending me this stuff now, after five years? Especially when it would be safer with him, at the house. It can't just be because of Joanie, like his note says because I've had her for a while now."

Danny sighed and looked around for somewhere to sit. Not seeing any other option aside from hopping up onto the workbench, he opened the door to the Marquis and slid behind the wheel.

"Steve's gone, Mary. I mean, he left. He went back to the Navy." There was silence on the other end of the line. "Mary?"

"He didn't say anything. Just left that note that said he thought I might want all this stuff for Joan. Oh my God. Danny, I can't lose him too."

"Mary, listen to me. You're not gonna lose him."

"No, you don't get it. The last time he joined the Navy, I didn't hear from him for ten years. I don't know if I can do that again, Danny. And this time, I don't know, it's different."

Danny couldn't help feeling a pang of fear at her words. He didn't know Steve when he first joined the Navy, of course, but he knew him now. And it could go one of two ways. He didn't want to think about which option was more likely, but Mary needed reassuring so he focused on a happier ending to this shit show.

"Yeah, maybe it's different now. But it's going to be fine. I've got a feeling we won't have to wait ten years this time. He'll be okay. He just needs some time away. He'll be back." He wasn't sure if Mary believed him or not. He wasn't sure if he believed himself; who he was trying to convince. "You should come home, Mary."

"Steve said it wasn't safe. He said I had to stay away."

"Yeah, well, he was wrong, but then, he didn't really have the best examples to go by on how to protect his family, did he? Also, the threat has been neutralized." More silence. "Besides, the Neanderthal isn't here anymore, is he? You've got a home here and you've got us, your family."

**Doris**

"—and... argh! I just wanted to punch him in the face!" Grace punched the seat of the car beside her instead. 

"Monkey, what have I said about Tommy?"

"Yeah, I know. Which is why I didn't. He's just so dumb! And besides, it's not like it's Morgan's fault she's got two dads. And even if it was, who cares? They're kind of awesome." She met his eyes in the rear-view mirror. "Not as awesome as you, though, Danno."

"Course not, babe."

"So anyway, Mrs Rehnberg was walking by and I called her over and told her what Tommy was doing. He got detention!"

"Good call, Monkey."

"Well, I've got Morgan's back."

Danny laughed as he pulled into the driveway. "Yeah you do."

He turned off the engine and looked up at the house, frowning as he did so. There was a light on and movement upstairs. For a brief moment, he wondered if it was Steve. He pulled the keys from the ignition and turned to Grace as he undid his seat belt. 

"Grace, I need you stay in the car, okay?"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know. Probably nothing. Just stay here, okay?" She nodded and he left the car, locking it behind him.

Pocketing his keys with one hand, Danny pulled his gun with the other. He approached the house to find the front door closed but unlocked, and the alarm deactivated. Without stopping to figure out how or why, and hearing the creak of floor boards above him, he moved towards the stairs. Half way up them, a figure appeared on the top landing. Danny maybe could have put his gun away when he saw who it was, but instead just used it to motion that she should follow him as he backed down the stairs. 

"Doris," he said when he arrived back on the first floor of the house.

"Danny," she replied, just as cool and steady. She waved at the weapon still pointed at her. "You don't need that anymore, do you?"

"Not sure. Haven't actually decided yet. What exactly are you doing here?"

She raised a Steve McGarrett eyebrow at him. "This is my house, Danny."

"Uh huh, first," he lowered but did not holster his sidearm. "if your visit here is that innocent, why didn't you just park in the driveway?"

"I took a cab."

"Ah, so that randomly parked black car at the end of the block has nothing to do with you?" She just stared, poker-faced, at him. "Whatever. Second, you'd actually be wrong. This isn't your house. It's my house. So get the fuck out before I call the cops. Oh, wait, actually, whaddya know. I am the cops."

The poker face cracked. "What do you mean?"

"You need me to explain the concepts of police and the law and how it's illegal to enter another person's house without their consent? Or do you actually mean to tell me that your sources informed you Steve went back to the Navy, meaning you could sneak back here without him finding out, but they didn't bother to tell you he got rid of the house?"

She looked around the living room. "It still looks like my house."

"You're not looking hard enough. And besides, it's a temporary gig."

"I didn't know Steve was gone. I just wanted to see him again."

"Uh huh. Like that's any better, or, you know, at all true."

She narrowed her eyes. "Detective Williams—"

"Look, Doris, maybe if I were a better person, I'd let you stay here. But a, I'm not; b, my daughter is here and I don't want any of your crazy around her; and c, I don't actually like you and I definitely don't want to be your roommate. So get out of my house before I arrest you for breaking and entering." 

Danny didn't bother to hide his smirk. He'd never been happy about Steve leaving him the house until this moment. The look on her face was priceless. Of course, she would have been easier to keep an eye on here, but he'd call the team after he got rid of her, see if they could track her. 

She didn't move and he raised the gun again, as well as an eyebrow. "Wanna test me? I was really looking forward to a relaxing night with my daughter. You do actually remember what those are, right? Or maybe not. Whatever, I do know what those are and I actually enjoy them. So, the longer you interrupt my plans, the more pissed off I'm getting."

She tried staring him down for another moment or two, then seemed to decide it wasn't worth it and started for the door. He kept his gun trained on her until he stepped outside, holstering it before Grace could see.

Grace was right where he left her, studying the house. Danny saw the moment she recognized Doris and he shook his head at her, trying to tell her to stay in the car. She either didn't see, or didn't care, because the next thing he knew, she was climbing over into the driver's seat, opening the door and coming towards them.

"Mrs. McGarrett?" 

Danny said nothing as Doris smiled and crouched down to Grace's level, just like Steve always did. This was his friend's mother, after all, and unless she did something to deserve it, he didn't want to do anything to sway Grace's opinion of her. If hell ever froze over and pigs suddenly grew wings and Steve and Doris ever reconciled because she suddenly stopped being the world's worst mother, the last thing Steve would want would be for Grace to hate or fear her. Of course, none of that was going to stop him from watching her every move, maybe with his hand resting on the gun in its unsnapped holster.

"Hello Gracie."

"Were you looking for Steve?" Doris nodded. "He went away."

"Yes, your father told me."

"He was sad. And he felt like he could protect us better that way." Grace paused for a moment, looking away. Then she turned back and looked right into Doris' eyes. "Is that why you left him and Aunt Mary?"

Doris was silent for a long moment. Maybe she was thinking about her answer. 'Do I lie? Do I tell the truth?' Maybe she was in shock. Danny was no longer surprised at the wisdom that came from his little girl.

"Yes, sweetheart."

Grace nodded slow, like that explained everything, and made everything all right. "Uncle Steve still loves you, though."

"Well, I don't think that's—"

"It is! It is true."

"And how do you know that, dear?"

"Because we still love Steve. Right, Danno?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The other update is written, and the draft already posted. I'll make it live on Tuesday. :) "The Williams Ladies"


	10. The Williams Ladies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N This is the second part to the vignette chapter.
> 
> These are vignettes that I wanted to write, but didn't think they needed their own chapters. "Mary" (in the previous update) occurs the same day as "Dear Danno,". The rest are random, happening in no particular order within the first six months Steve's gone. (Spoiler alert: Steve's gone longer than six months.)

**Grace**

Danny gathered up the clothes strewn across the floor in Grace's room and dumped them in her hamper before taking the whole lot downstairs to the laundry room. Goddamn but he hated laundry with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. Literally not an exaggeration, really. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't maybe, just a couple, three, maybe six times contemplated perhaps thinking of offering a deal to some small time criminal. He'd maybe forget to book 'em if they'd come and do his laundry for the rest of eternity. 

Yes, eternity, 'cause he was damn sure one of the various tortures he'd experience in hell would be eternal laundry. You know, while in a confined space and watching his family be tortured and killed over and over. 

But mostly laundry.

He sighed. Laundry required alcohol. Unfortunately, not enough alcohol tonight because he had Grace. Nevertheless, he trudged into the kitchen for a beer, grabbing a handful of still-warm popcorn, sitting on the counter ready for their movie night, on the way. 

He would put off actually doing said laundry until she went to bed, but while he waited for her to come down from her shower, there was no reason he couldn't start sorting. Another sigh as he made his way back into the laundry room, took a swig from the bottle, set it on the washing machine and pulled the pair of denim shorts she'd been wearing today from the top of the pile.

Danny shoved a hand in first one small back pocket and then the other. His fingertips brushed against a piece of paper and he pulled it out so it wouldn't get ruined in the wash. He hadn't planned on reading it, had no reason to intrude on Grace's privacy like that, but it piqued his curiosity. The paper was worn, folded and unfolded many times and the hard lines of the writing showing through the back were not the bubbly letters of a pre-teen girl, nor the large messy scribble of a boy. He unfolded the paper and immediately recognized Steve's handwriting.

_Grace,_

_When I was a teenager and we thought my mother died, my father sent me and Mary away. I thought he didn't love me anymore, that he didn't want us around. I realize now that was not true. He loved us very much and he was only doing what he thought was right._

_I know this isn't the same thing. I'm not your father; I'm only your Danno's partner. But Gracie, I love you as if you were my own daughter. I guess I'm selfish, but I really wanted you to know that. I don't have the right to feel that way. I shouldn't even be leaving you this letter. I can hear Danno's rant now when he finds out! But you've had to grow up faster than a girl your age should have to, so I think you can handle this._

_Like I told your dad, I've never had to say goodbye to anyone before and I know I messed it up. I'm sorry. I hope this can be my second chance._

_So I just want you to know that I love you and I've got your back, kiddo. Always remember that. Everything I do, I'm doing for you and your dad. This is something I need to do, I hope you both understand that. And I need you to do a couple things for me, okay?_

_First, I need you to, well, do what you want. Be what you want, you're a smart, pretty awesome girl, Gracie. You can do and be anything you want. Don't let anyone or anything stop you. I had a not-an-uncle who 'loved me like a son' and he molded me into his image. Don't let anyone do that to you, okay? You have everything I never had, Grace. Always remember that you are loved._

_Second, I need you to remember that you have a very special power. It's the most important power. You have the power to make Danno smile._

_Throughout all of these years, everything we've been through on the job and off, no matter how sad or scared or angry he was, all he had to do was think of you and the sun would come out again. He would see your picture on his phone when you called, or hear me ask about you, or tell me about something you did and his whole face would light up like the sky after a storm. He'd smile this perfect stupid awesome smile and his world was right again. You are everything to him._

_So when you're sad or angry or lonely, just remember that power you have over Danno. Remember how much he loves you. And give him lots of hugs. You know he likes those._

_And Gracie? Your special powers work on me, too._

_Steve_

"Danno!"

Startled, Danny looked up from the letter. He hadn't even heard the water switch off, or her running down the stairs when she realized he'd taken her clothes, or the first two times she'd called him. He blinked once and was unashamed when he reached for the bottle for another drink before speaking to his daughter.

"Where did you get this?" He finally asked her. Grace's hair was still so wet it was dripping a bit on the floor and she was wrapped up in a fluffy bathrobe. He wondered if she hadn't realized her mistake half way through the shower and wanted to waste no time tracking down the precious piece of paper before it got destroyed in the wash. Or worse.

She chewed on her lip for a moment before answering. "It was in that hoodie Uncle Steve left for me in my room."

"You've had it all this time?"

"Um... yeah?"

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Grace looked down and fidgeted her hands. "You were angry with him the last time we saw him and... I didn't want you to be angry at him again, or more." She looked back up at him. "You shouldn't be angry with Uncle Steve. It's not right. It's kinda weird, actually. Anyway, and I thought you might take it away from me. I really love the letter, Danno."

"Oh, Monkey." Danny wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. "I'm not mad at him anymore. You made sure of that, actually. Besides, I can't stay angry with that crazy Super SEAL for long, you know that."

She nodded against his chest and sniffed. "I miss him, Danno."

"Me too, Monkey."

Grace pulled back just enough to look up at him. "Are you going to take it away?"

"The letter?" She nodded. "Of course not!" Danny released her, refolded the letter that was in the hand well away from her wet hair, and handed it back to her. "I'd never keep that from you. But if you're going to carry it around all the time, you need to be careful you don't lose it."

"Yeah, you're right, Danno," she said, putting it in the pocket of her robe.

"Of course I'm right, silly, What are you even saying?" 

She grinned up at him and Danny could see the tension leave her body now that she knew the letter was safe, Danny wasn't angry, and he wouldn't take it away from her.

"Actually, why don't we swing by the Palace tomorrow? You can scan it and that way if anything does happen to it, you won't have really lost it."

"Really?"

"Yes, 'really'. What, you think I was lying or something. Would I lie to you? No. I didn't think so. What is with you tonight, huh?" He ruffled her hair and pushed her towards the living room. "Now go on and finish getting your PJs on so we can watch that movie, 'kay?"

**Rachel**

Black clouds marched through the sky towards Honolulu. Danny eyed them warily as he drove back to the Palace from Five-0's latest crime scene. This may be paradise, at least according to crazy people, but when it wasn't paradise, Mother Nature was a hard core bitch. Of course, he didn't have to shovel six foot snow drifts when she finished pitching a fit, so he supposed he had no choice but to call that a win.

Meredith Brooks' _Bitch_ broke the silence in the car.

"Yes, Rachel."

"Daniel, are you busy?"

"No, Dear. I'm sitting here in my office crocheting a blanket."

"There's no need to be rude."

Danny sighed. "Sorry Rachel. It's kind of crazy around here right now. We've got techs trying to process two scenes before this storm hits. Unfortunately, there's nothing for me to do until that's done."

"Could you come by the house for a moment?"

"Everything alright? Is Grace okay?"

"Yes, but a package just arrived, for Grace, and there's no return address on it."

He chuckled. Rachel may have hated being married to a cop, but she had proven time and again that she'd never stop being a cop's wife. He couldn't deny, however, that her instincts could be right. He couldn't figure out why Grace would be receiving a package from anyone, let alone with no return address, especially as it wasn't near her birthday or Christmas. It was probably nothing, but he'd never forgive himself if he didn't check it out and it did turn out to be a threat.

"I'll be there in a few minutes. Just leave it wherever it is and don't touch it until I get there."

He flipped on the lights and siren long enough to pull a u-turn and he was driving through the gate to the Edwards home ten minutes later. Rachel met him at the door and led him through the house to the dining room where the box sat on the table.

Danny inched towards it, studying the box from all angles without touching it, until his eyes landed on the postage label. He smiled. 

"It's fine, Rache."

"What do you mean? How do you know?"

"I mean it's fine. There's no bomb inside or anything. It's postmarked Coronado. It's from Steve." He still hadn't heard from his friend, but Danny knew enough about the SEALs to know Coronado was one of the places they were stationed, and he knew that Steve had been based there in the past. This couldn't be from anyone else.

"Should we open it first? Make sure it's okay?"

"Nah. Let her do it. She'll enjoy that. I trust Steve."


	11. Sins of the Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry for the wait! Life's crazy. I picked up two freelance jobs on top of my two regular jobs and some personal commitments.  
> And this chapter was a frakking bitch. Which, you know, makes sense!
> 
> Next chapter is about half written and will be much easier, so hopefully that won't take so long this time!

I've spent the last six months trying to rebuild the wall that Danny destroyed, to make myself into the Navy SEAL that was so good at his job before he learned what family and home was. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I'm starting to realize that maybe I just never had to build one before. Like maybe my parents were constructing it for me before I could even walk. 

Doesn't really help that I'm pretty sure Danny stole some of the bricks while he was at it, 'cause I'm all out and there's some pretty big holes here.

And yeah, I'm being metaphorical and poetic. I blame that on Danny, too. I forgot how much playing the guitar calms me and lets me think too much. 

This is the first time I've really picked the guitar up since Danny gave it to me. And yeah, I feel a bit guilty about that. I've been too busy since I left Hawaii, volunteering my Team for any mission I could; volunteering myself for missions when I let my guys take some R&R. Before that, I was too afraid. Afraid of the thing that had been so important to me all those years ago. Afraid Danny would walk in while I stumbled through playing again, my guts spilling out onto the floor even as I tried to shove them back inside before he could see. 

But Danny always saw.

I may have told him about that damn talent show, though I have no idea why, but I still couldn't trust myself to do more than strum my fingers across the strings like I did when he gave it to me. I can already feel its affect on me – bringing up all those memories and emotions I'd tried to repress, that I hadn't been strong enough to keep from him. They'd started to fade until they were like nothing more than scenes from a good movie. I remember that living it had been hard and heart-breaking and amazing.

But this, being alone, is so much easier. There's a certain kind of peace to it. All I need to do is focus on the missions, focus on leading my Team and keeping them safe. I'm starting to feel like the best thing I ever did was turn that movie off. The weight of all those emotions crushing my chest have finally lifted. Now I'm free, like I was the first time I joined the Navy. It had been scary at first, but it was so easy. No one to please but my CO. No one who expected, or even wanted, me to open up. My life ruled only by the missions.

For the first time since leaving Hawaii this second time, I'm back there. Back to being just a tool for a mission. No longer a friend to anyone, no longer the fake uncle to a little girl who reminded me what it was like to live and love, who handed her father the sledgehammer to break down my walls. The little girl who made me want to be more than just a tool, a weapon. Who made me want to be happy.

As the thought comes to me, her face, her smile begins to materialize in my mind. Before it fully does and she can, as I'd said in that letter in that movie so long ago, make me smile and remember that I was loved, and loved in return, I strum my unpracticed fingers across the strings of the guitar enough to hurt. It chases away her image and brings me back to the present and the four walls around me, in an apartment smaller than the one I'd first found my future partner in all those years ago. The partner who had given me this guitar.

If I'm being honest with myself, it's kinda a shift to my world view that, even when given every opportunity – when I practically begged and pleaded – for someone to give up on me, to leave me alone to my ghosts and my vendettas, Danny and Grace would not. But then, even as I did that, I clung to them like a lifeline to something I never even realized I wanted. Maybe the little boy in my childhood memories had people like that, but I can't remember – those memories are like a story that's been passed down through too many retellings, tainted by wishful thinking – but I don't think so. I don't remember feeling like this the first time I left for the Navy.

Like I made a mistake.

But how could this be a mistake? When it was everything that had ever been perfect for me in the past? No this couldn't be a mistake. I refused to allow it to be a mistake. I want to smash the guitar and everything it represents. Destroy everything in this room that I was stupid enough to bring that reminds me of that little girl and her father. But I can't do it.

I can't disappoint her, even if there's no way she would ever find out about it.

I've started playing again during this little trip down memory lane, but I freeze at the sound of a knock on my door. Quietly, I set the instrument down on the bed and pick up the gun from my bedside table. There shouldn't be anyone at my door. I parted ways from the rest of my Team when we headed home from the bar, so it couldn't be them. Hankinson would have called me if he had an assignment for us. Even though it's pretty unlikely that I need to worry about anyone who actually knocks first, I check my weapon, pad quietly across the small space to the door, and peek through the peep hole.

What I see on the other side doesn't make me feel much better, but I open the door anyway and my visitor pushes by me into the room.

"'One Tin Soldier'? Really, Steven?" I shrug. Didn't even realize that was what I was playing. It was what I was going to play at that damn talent show.

"What do you want?" I ask, closing the door. There's really no point asking 'how did you find me?' or 'why are you here?'. The answers to both those questions are pretty obvious, and neither would give me the answer I want.

"Steven." I get a smile – that smile. I've come to hate that fucking smile. First time I saw it, a couple years ago, I thought it was the best day of my life. Now, I wish I'd never seen it. "Can't a mother just come by to visit her son?"

"Sure. You know, if you actually acted like a mother."

It looks like I hit her where it hurts. Good. She levels me with a look that probably had me spilling all my secrets when I was a kid. All it does now is make the corner of my mouth twitch with a smile. Danny was always upset that I never shared my feelings enough. Suddenly, that's really all I want to do.

"What? I hit a nerve or something, huh? You made me into this person. If you don't like it, you only have yourself to blame. You and dad. He never let us know he was proud of us; was never there for us; shipped us off when we needed him the most. I had to find all that out from Joe White a year after dad died, for fuck's sake."

"Steven!" I just glare at her and continue my rant, built up over the last five years, hell maybe even more than that. Full on Danny rant, I think.

"I mean, when we were kids, you tried, I'll give you that. At least I think you did. But then you left. You chose to leave us. And then we had no one. And it was to protect us? Well, guess what? It didn't fucking work. And maybe, maybe with time, I could have forgiven you. But then you lied to me. You let Wo Fat go. You chose him over me. Again. He tortured me and killed my friend and you let him go so he could torture me again." My finger's in her face but the time I stop.

"You survived. You're a survivor, sweetie." 

I laugh, walk away from her before turning back. "That's simply pure luck. You know he shot me in the head right? Grazed my temple." I brush two fingers across the faint scar. "Well, he won't get the chance again. I shot your precious Wo Fat."

She flinches and I can't remember the last time I felt so much satisfaction. No flinch about me almost getting shot in the head, of course. No. She was more upset that Wo Fat was dead. She clearly knew that already, but it still hurt her to hear. So I keep going. 

"But you wanna know what's worse than that? Worse than when we thought you were dead? Worse than all this shit you're putting us through now? It's that all this is making me question the few good, innocent memories of you, of all of us, that I actually had." She's getting a little blurry and that pisses me off. Fucking emotions. Fucking Danny.

"You've left me with nothing, Doris." 

"Don't call me that, Steven. I'm your mother!" 

"Really? That's your take away? But sure, okay, I'll play. Maybe try acting like it." Clearly I spent too much time around Danny. Thinking about Danny makes me think about Grace. I close my eyes for a moment, letting their images come this time, take a deep breath. Calm myself down.

"Everything I do, I do for you and Mary." That's exactly what I told Grace in the letter I left for her. I'd used a lot of my dad's words in that letter, too. I guess maybe I'm no better than them. Guess I got no reason to be angry at her. But I am anyway. "I never stopped. I saved you from that Colombian prison, and I helped you get Danny out." 

Like that was the perfect example of what a mother should do. Like that made up for everything else. It didn't. Maybe... maybe if I'd never met Danny and Grace, if I'd never seen what a parent really was, that would have been enough for me. Maybe I could accept her back into my life, followed her anywhere. But that wasn't the case and I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or not. 

After all this time, I finally come to a realization. I hate her; even hate my father to a lesser extent. Or, at least, I hate what I've become because of them; hate them for what they made me into. I may be all mixed up and confused about the rest of my life, my feelings, but what I feel for her in this moment? Yeah, I've got no second thoughts about that one. I'll never forgive Doris, can never be her son again. 'Cause even after everything that's happened to me, even in the last couple of years, she still refuses to be my _mother_. I stand straighter, give her what I think Danny would call my Killer SEAL Face.

"If you loved me at all, Danny would never have been there. Danny should have been the one you pulled strings for. I should have gone and he should have stayed."

"Please," she scoffs, with an almost laugh. "Is that what all this is about? You're off on walk-about because you feel guilty? And anyway, you're not a father, Steven. Ask Danny if he wouldn't have chosen Grace. I helped you when I could." 

"Don't you dare compare yourself to Danny, Doris. You are not even a fraction of the parent he is. Of course he would choose Grace; he's got nothing to prove to her. You want to prove you're my mother? You choose Danny. You always choose Danny."

Of course, the problem was that Danny _had_ chosen me over Grace. More than once. I'll never forgive myself for putting him in that position. It wasn't acceptable. I'm not worth it, for one. So yeah, I guess that is 'what this is all about'. If Danny couldn't do the right thing, then it was up to me. That was why, when anyone else would have thought I had every reason to stay in Hawaii, and no reason to go, I'd left so easy.

"Why should I? You didn't. You ran away too, Steven. Just like you accuse me of doing. You left them 'for their own good'."

"Yeah, well, I blame you for that, too. I learned from the best, after all. I've had some pretty shitty role models. Aren't you proud?"

"I've always been proud of you." She pauses for a moment and I wonder why. Something tells me that this little meeting isn't going like she planned. She's probably changing mission parameters on the fly. "They miss you, you know. You should go back home. They don't feel better off without you any more than you feel that way about me."

"You lost the right to give me advice a long time ago, Doris."

"I love you, Steve." 

"Really? 'Cause I've seen how you were with Mary, when we were kids, and after you came back. Why aren't you ever like that with me, huh? Why is everything an op with you?"

"Because I want you by my side. Because you can take care of yourself; I know you can handle it. Why would I want anyone else watching my back if I could have my son?"

"Why? Cause I'm a SEAL? Cause I'm my parents' son? 'Cause I'm pretty sure all evidence points to no, I can't fucking handle it."


	12. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a few questions about the end of this season and if how I'm going to incorporate all that into this story - the wedding, Cath, Charlie. When I started this story, I had it starting somewhere after 5x18 and planned out the entire story at that point. As the season progressed, I figured I could work in the wedding and Catherine, and I might, but Charlie... That's seriously gonna mess with my plans for Steve. I'm not completely against the idea, if something comes to me.
> 
> Basically, I'm torturing my boy enough right now. lol

The _ding_ and pop-up of an Outlook reminder interrupted Danny from the requisition form he'd been filling out. He'd always teased Steve about never doing his own paperwork. Of course, he'd known that wasn't true back then, but he had to get his fun somehow. He'd never realized, however, just how much paperwork Steve did until he'd taken over the Task Force and it was all his job. It had only taken two weeks before he'd delegated Kono to take over some of the administrative duties. All the work and reports that he once took from Steve, without the other man having to ask, with copious amounts of complaining, though none of it sincere.

He dismissed the reminder. Fifteen minutes until his meeting and depending on how that went, who knew when he'd get back to the paperwork. He finished the form as fast as possible and sent it off before heading out of his office with five minutes to spare before whoever it was he was meeting with showed.

Lou and Kono were in their offices and Chin sat on a stool, hunched over the smart table, staring at a scary-looking blue screen. He looked up at Danny's approach.

"Howzit, Brah?"

Danny shrugged and nodded at the screen. "Better than you, by the looks of it."

"Nah, this is fine. The upgrades should be done by the end of the day. We'll be up and running first thing Monday morning." 

Danny nodded. Over a month ago, Chin had suggested some upgrades that Danny didn't really understand, but was assured they'd make tracking suspects a lot easier. The problem was, he needed a good two or three days to complete the upgrades and the team hadn't had enough downtime to do it until now.

"Great. Make sure we don't have any delays. I've got a feeling we're about to run out of free time."

"Got it. You think something's up? You even know who you're meeting with, yet?" 

Danny shook his head as he heard the main door open. He answered Chin before turning to see who had joined them. "I don't think the Navy's sending their guys over here without telling us anything just because they miss us."

"Well, you know, it's classified, Danny."

He blinked slow, certain he was hearing things, then turned around. Blinked again. Greeted the man the only way he knew how.

"You look like shit, Steven."

"Thanks! I missed you, too." Steve grinned; it was contagious. Danny missed this but he still raised an eyebrow, asking a silent question. If Steve missed Danny so damn much, why the hell did he leave? That sounded ass backwards, even to Danny, but it was definitely something he would say if he were going to rant. But he didn't rant, just folded his arms across his chest and waited. For the briefest moment, Danny thought he saw a flicker of disappointment on Steve's face.

Lou and Kono joined them to see what all the commotion was about and Kono let out a not-so-little squeal, running over to hug her old boss. Danny finally noticed that Steve wasn't alone and gave Jake Costas a smile and a nod. Then, even more important, Danny noticed the box in his friend's hands.

"Are those what I think they are?"

The SEAL grinned, walked over to the center of the room to put the box on the smart table, crossed his arms, and shook his head. "Nope. Better."

Danny was on the other side of the table almost before anyone could blink. In the next instant, he had the box open and a pastry in his mouth. Only then did he slow down; his eyes slipping shut as he savoured the taste. He let out a dirty moan.

Lou raised an eyebrow. Kono couldn't contain her laugh. Chin just smirked and reached into the box for one of his own. Danny swallowed the bite slowly, licked his lips and opened his eyes, looking at Jake.

"You ever had a cocoa puff?"

The shorter of the two SEALs finally released the laugh he was holding in. "Just the cereal."

Danny shook his head like someone was threatening to torture his puppy. "No. Not the same. At. All. These," he held up the portion of the pastry still in his hand, "are better than sex."

"Sounds like," Costas said.

"Think you've been having sex with the wrong people, maybe, Danno?"

Danny turned to Steve, raising an eyebrow. He didn't say a word, just took another slow, savouring bite. There was a beat of silence and then Steve turned to Costas.

"They _are_ pretty good."

"Thank you," Danny mumbled around the rest of his food.

Costas shrugged and picked one out for himself. Steve and Danny looked at each other, eyes laughing, and Danny's smile grew. He hadn't heard from Steve since he rode with him to the base clinic six months ago, but it was like nothing had changed. 

After Jake beat Danny to the last of the pastries, the Detective turned to Steve, crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

"So, considering no one else has shown up, I'm guessing you two are my Navy contacts, and not just a happy coincidence?"

Steve frowned. "Denning didn't tell you who you were meeting with?"

A shake of the head. "He just called me yesterday and told me to expect a rep from the Navy to come by today and brief us on a new case – which he also did not tell us anything about."

"Huh. He knew it was me. I was on the phone with him yesterday and we came here straight from a meeting with him."

Danny shrugged. Clearly the Governor was trying to mess with them. What else was new? He waved his hand at Steve's uniform. "Ah. That explains the get-up, then. Was wondering why you were so overdressed. And to think you used to get all bent out of shape about my ties."

"Well, Danny, you were the one who kept saying this wasn't the Navy."

The cousins snickered at the banter, but Chin brought them back on task. "What's going on, Steve? From what Danny told us of his conversation with Denning, I'm guessing this isn't a social call." The banter stopped; it was time to get to work. 

Danny nodded. "You wanna do this out here, or in the office?"

"Nah this is fine." Steve looked to Jake who opened up a file and put it on the table. "We've got an Op going down. Thought we'd see if you guys wanted in."

"Of course," Danny agreed, before even finding out what was happening. He wasn't going to turn Steve away. He had his back. "Whatcha got, babe?"

Steve took in a deep breath, looked at his watch, and Danny had a feeling that telling them all about this was the last thing he wanted to do. When he spoke, however, he sounded confident and all business. 

"This guy," he started, pointing to a surveillance photo on the top of the pile of documents, "is Emilio Rojas. A year ago, he was just a low-level South American thug doing other people's dirty work. Intel we've received says he's shot up through the ranks of the Colombian drug cartels." Jake leafed through some of the documents to support the intel as Steve spoke. The SEAL Team Leader turned his focus to Danny, meeting his eyes and holding the contact. "He saw his opening in the fallout around Marco Reyes' death."

Everyone was quiet for a moment, and then Danny gave a sharp nod. "Ah, I see. And he's, what, planning a trip to this beautiful island to celebrate his new job?" His increasingly animated hands air-quoted 'beautiful'.

Steve would have smirked any other time. "Somethin' like that." 

Jake took up the briefing as McGarrett checked his watch again. "We believe Rojas and a small entourage are on their way here to meet with a contingent of the Yakuza."

"What, like are we hosting a super villain convention or something?"

"Nah, Danny, like creating a new business partnership."

"Yeah, I figured it would be something that was likely to get me shot at." Steve winced.

"This good intel, Steve?" Chin asked and McGarrett's mood didn't seem to get any better. Aneurysm Face, definitely. He let out a long breath.

"The Navy thinks it's rock solid. Straight from Langley."

"But you, you do not agree, do you?"

"While I wasn't told specifically, I'm pretty sure I know the source. It's been... reliable in the past. Do I trust it? Not as far as I can throw it." He met Danny's eyes again. "Same source that helped us out in Colombia."

The Detective blinked, his expression softening. As far as he knew, he was the only one besides Steve, Joe, and Doris that knew who that source was.

"Well, I do appreciate you bringing us in on this."

McGarrett twitched. "Yeah, well, we can't exactly run a SEAL Op on U.S. soil. So yeah, technically, the Governor got wind of this potential threat and assigned the case to his Task Force." He grinned that annoying grin. "The Task Force leader – kinda this obnoxious Jersey Detective, but smart cause he decided to call in the Navy for backup."

"Yes. I am very smart because I, I always call for backup. Unlike some Neanderthals."

Steve chuckled, looked at his wrist.

"So, if the Navy likes the intel," Lou asked, finally piping up. "Why don't you?"

"Honestly, my Team and I have been tracking these guys for most of the last six months. I haven't heard much of this guy at all. Certainly not enough to think he was working on something like." Danny watched Steve. He was pretty sure there was more to that then he was letting on, but he didn't say anything. Well, about that, anyway.

Danny caught Steve checking looking at his watch again. This time, he also watched as Jake noticed this, too. He fidgeted for a moment, as if he were trying to decide if he should say something or not. Danny decided to put them both out of their misery.

"Hey, ah, you got somewhere better to be, babe?"

Yep. That was definitely a Face. A Hand-Caught-in-the-Cookie-Jar Face. "Nowhere to be, Danny. I just wanted to make sure you got outta here on time."

"Okay, thank you. I do appreciate that. But, ah, why?"

Steve frowned and twitched just a bit. "Well, you gotta leave in a few minutes. I know you've got Gracie this weekend and school's out at 1530." Danny grinned but remained silent. "I gave my guys the afternoon off to enjoy the island. Tomorrow we'll get down to work with you guys, " He looked around at the rest of the Five-0 Team. "Gather the rest of the intel and when you're back from dropping her off Monday we'll coordinate the take down."  
Still grinning at his friend, Danny's silence and raised eyebrow broke Steve in about three seconds.

"What?"

"You remembered that it's my weekend with Grace?" 

"Well, yeah, I mean..." Steve shook his head and shrugged his shoulders like it was nothing. "Of course I did."

"Yeah, of course you did. Well you'd be right, except that Rachel took her to Maui for a cheer competition this weekend."

"Great," Kono said. "I call drinks at the Hilton, then!"

"You paying, cuz?" She just scoffed in response.

"Hey Jake," Danny nodded in the other SEAL's direction. "You got eyes on McGarrett's wallet this afternoon?"

Jake frowned. "Uh, yeah, sure." Steve muttered 'traitor' under his breath.

"Well, that settles it then," Danny declared, shoving one hand in his pocket and punctuating the statement with his other hand in the air. "Hilton. Steve's paying. Don't let him lose his wallet before then, Jake."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is already written, (I'm actually splitting one chapter into two) so you won't have to wait as long, yay!


	13. Happy Hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm breaking from my usual Danny/Steve POV switch up because this is actually a continuation from the last chapter and I really wanted this to be from Danny's POV. I am annoyed, but I'll live.

Danny could see the lot from where he sat with the rest of Five-0 in the beach-front bar. He brought a beer bottle to his lips, smiled when he heard the others laugh, though he hadn't heard the joke. He was not nervous. Nope. Why the hell would he be nervous? Drinks with the Team, just like normal. Catching up with an old friend and his Navy buddies. Except that he knew Steve didn't actually want to be here. He hadn't said anything like that, of course. In fact, everything he'd done and said in the hour they'd spent at HQ was evidence to the contrary. But Danny knew, okay? He knew Steve wanted to be anywhere but Hawaii, or at least anywhere but with Five-0. He wondered if he'd find out the whole story. 

He also kinda wondered if he'd actually get to chat with Steve alone or if Steve would avoid him. He saw a dark SUV pull up, three big guys got out, from the passenger and back seats and started making their way in. A couple of minutes later, the doors opened again and two more guys came around from the driver's side. The lights flashed as the McGarrett-shaped driver hit the lock on the fob.

"Williams!"

"Whoa, whoa. Why the yelling?" Danny holding his hands up, one still holding the half empty beer bottle, and turned to the source of his name. "What, Lou?"

He looked from Lou to Kono to Chin and did not like the grin on the Hawaiian's face.

"You... nervous, brah?"

Danny grimaced, scoffed. "No. Why would I be nervous?" Chin just raised an eyebrow; Danny sighed. "Look, that animal left his family six months ago with barely a word and he didn't plan on ever coming back." 

"Danny, you don't know that." Kono reached across Chin to touch his arm.

"No, I do, in fact know. He left pretty much everything to Grace and I, like he was already dead. All that shit that he was hanging on to, just because it belonged to his parents."

"What do you mean, Danny? I thought you were house sitting while he was gone."

Danny looked toward the entrance. The SEALs were almost at their table. "Yeah, well, I've got some pretty legit legal documents that say different." Danny never told anyone about the package Steve had left him, or the letters and gifts Steve had given Grace. "Next time you come by the house, check out Gracie's room. I didn't do any of that shit in there. Steve did it before he left. And he's only back because he was ordered here on an Op. Guess I'm wondering exactly how this is gonna go down."

In the next instant, he was a completely different person, smiling and waving over Jake and the two SEALs he was with. Steve and the fifth man were a few yards out.

An hour later, the SEALs had tried to impress Five-0 with war stories – unclassified, of course. They'd succeeded, although none of the Task Force members would admit it. Five-0 told a few of their own stories which also impressed the SEALs, although they were more willing to give their praise. Steve had remained uncharacteristically quiet, and barely touched his beer. He laughed when appropriate, contributed to the conversation when required. Maybe no one else at the table even noticed there was any difference.

But Danny did.

And McGarrett kept checking his damn watch.

The group's attention was focused on the other side of the table and Danny leaned over to the man sitting next to him.

"You develop some kinda OCD about your watch while you were gone or something, huh?"

"What?" He looked at his watch, seemed to realize what he was doing, and looked back up to Danny. "Oh."

Danny touched his elbow. "You good?"

"Yeah, uh. Actually. I'll be right back." He whistled across the table, catching the attention of Lieutenant Tom Johnson. "Hey Johnson, need your help back at the vehicle for a sec."

Danny thought he might have seen a flicker of relief cross across his features, but it's not like he'd even seen the guy before tonight to know for sure.

"Yeah, sure, McGarrett."

"Aw, c'mon now, boss. You're gonna make him miss the show," Kono whined.

"'Boss', Kono, really? I'm crushed."

Danny saw Kono smirk out of the corner of his eye, but his attention was on the SEALs. Even the three not involved in the conversation had gone quiet for a minute.

"Sorry, new boss."

Five-0 continued on like nothing happened. Danny and the SEALs watched Steve and Tom leave. The SEALs went back to the conversation until the fireworks started. Danny did not. Then the colourful explosions danced in the air to the oohs and aahs of those in the bar, and Danny couldn't remember ever thinking about how much they sounded like machine gun fire and bombs. He did this time.

Fifteen minutes later, the show was over but Steve and Tom weren't back yet. He looked out at the lot, but the SUV seemed dark. He looked around him and no one else seemed to notice. Maybe a little part of him – okay, maybe not so little – didn't want to talk to Steve alone. And yes, okay, he did feel a bit guilty about that. But he also really did need to talk to him and he had the feeling something was wrong. He finished off his beer and rose from the table. 

His eyes swept the bar, the hall. He was about to look out in the lobby when he saw Tom leave the men's room. He looked exhausted, much more so than before he and Steve left the group. 

"Hey, uh, everything all right?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure thing, Danny, thanks. Just heading back to the party."

Danny nodded and waited for him to disappear before entering the room. It was bright and clean and seemed to be empty aside from the guy splashing water on his face.

"Everything all right, babe?" Danny asked as he pulled a couple paper towels from the dispenser and handed them over. 

"Thanks." Steve took them, straightened, turned around to lean against the counter next to Danny, and wiped the towels across his face before wading them up and tossing them into the trash.

"Seriously, Steven, you look like shit." He let out a half-hearted huff of a laugh and Danny followed suit. Then Steve grew serious. He turned to the side just enough to look down at Danny. The Detective looked up at him and wondered if this – getting Steve to open up – would be even harder after their little separation.

"Ya wanna maybe talk about it?"

"Yeah. Yes. Let's get a drink." _'Cause, you know, we weren't doing that before_ , Danny thought to himself.

They headed back inside, but grabbed a couple of stools at the end of the bar.

"Tom okay?" Danny asked as they waited for their beer. "He looked a bit shook up."

"Yeah, he'll be fine."

"Like, 'fine' fine, or 'SEAL' fine?" Steve looked at him as their beer was put in front of them. A look that clearly said drop it. Danny did; he didn't actually care about Tom right now anyway. He cared about Steve and whatever happened in the fifteen minutes the two men had been gone hadn't been very easy on him, either. Fifteen minutes that was perfectly timed for them to be alone during the fireworks that sounded to Danny like bombs and guns.

Oh. 

Maybe it was selfish of him, but Danny really hoped Tom was the one who'd needed the break. He wanted to ask, wondered if Steve would tell him the truth if he did. Maybe if this hadn't basically been the first time they'd seen each other in so long, he'd try.

Danny cleared his throat, drank some of his beer. "So. Doris, huh?"

Steve sighed and drained half the beer. "Yeah."

"You know, she stopped by the house a while back. Met Grace."

Steve winced. "Sorry, man. Didn't think she'd ever come back."

"Well, I think she came back because she heard you were gone. Didn't hear that someone else was living in her house." He saw Steve smile a genuine smile at that. "Gotta say, it felt real good to be able to kick her out of her own house."

Steve tipped his bottle in his direction. "Happy to help."

"So, wanna tell me what happened?"

Taking a long drink from the bottle first, Steve sighed and began. "She came to see me last week. No fucking idea why, of course. She never did tell me. But you know her, even if she did, who knows if it would be the truth. Anyway, you'da been proud of me. Well, you and a moody teenaged girl. I told her everything I thought about her. Told her she ruined my life. Realized some shit about myself I hate, but clearly not enough to do anything about. Then she thought she could give me advice. Told me I should come back to Hawaii."

Danny brought the bottle to his lip to hide his shock that, for once, he actually agreed with Doris. "And here you are."

"Yeah. Here I am. Wake up the next morning and my CO's bringing me in to tell me about this Op. Said the Intel came from the CIA, but that was it. But it had to be Doris. Tried to convince him it wasn't a good idea. Told him to send someone else and to keep you guys out of it, but... fucking politics. And I'm the one that's got the in with the Governor and his Task Force and we have been the ones tracking them."

"For six months."

The SEAL shrugged. "More or less. Just came back from a shitstorm in a dustier part of the world, but yeah. Mostly we're dealing with South American drug cartels."

"That was the second condition, wasn't it?"

Steve didn't say anything for a while, just nursed his beer. Finally, he nodded. Danny's voice begins to rise when he speaks again. "Is that why you left, Steven? To chase after my problems that were already done and buried? Cause if so, I'm suddenly angry at you again."

"No. That's not why I left. It was just a bonus. I left because I needed to go back, because I was done here."

Danny finished off his beer and put his hand on Steve's shoulder. The anger that had started to build, disappearing. He really, really hated when Steve did that. "You weren't done here, babe. Hopefully one day you realize that." Steve finished off his own beer and then nods.

"Let's head back." Danny didn't complain, he knew Steve had dug up more emotional shit than he was usually comfortable with. He couldn't ask for more tonight. He just wanted to enjoy the rest of a night out with his best friend.

Back at the table, they settled into their seats. Lou gave them a look.

"You ladies work out all your marital issues?" 

"Yeah, Lou, we're good. Hey, you guys tell 'em about the time Danny strapped that guy to the roof of the Camaro?"


	14. Night Flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. It would have been up a couple of days ago, when the first part of this chapter was finished. But I kept wavering as to whether to add the second half. As you can see, I kept it in. Hey, longer update that way. :D

The Hawaiian sun is unusually hot today. It feels like hell. Even I think so. But I can't leave this spot, even if I wanted to. And I do want to. So very much.

I survey the area without turning my head. I can't help but see how similar it is to another funeral, another fallen brother. Another brother I killed. But there are too many cops and only one Service Member. I don't want to be here. I shouldn't be here. I have no right to be here. But maybe I deserve to be here.

I deserve to have all of these people, all of these people who loved him, be able to see me. I deserve to see the hate and judgement in their eyes. I killed him, after all. Their friend, their father, their leader, their colleague. Ohana. It was my Op. My fucking mother. I should have refused the mission, taken a court martial. Anything to avoid this.

The priest is done and the mourners make their way to the casket that's waiting to be lowered into the ground. Hawaii will now be his home forever. Because of me. They all glare at me as they pass by me, but I barely notice them. My focus now is on my target. I walk over to her and for a moment I'm taken back a few years. 

I knelt down in front of a little girl with long blond hair, eyes wet with tears only because her mommy was sad, not because she actually knew what was going on. I'd only seen her twice before. She probably didn't even remember me. I remembered her, though. I remembered holding her as a baby, taking her swimming for the first time. Things she should have done with her father. The father that she never met. I remember that I envied her because she would never have to miss her father. She couldn't lose what she never had.

The girl I kneel before now has brown hair and is no little girl – a teenager now. I loved her the moment I met her. Meeting her made me want to be someone she could be proud of, that her father could be proud of. I wanted to protect her, make sure she had everything I never had. Well, we know how that turned out. I look up into her big brown eyes and I want to shut mine against what I see there, but I don't. Anger. Sadness. Hate. Disappointment.

"Gracie..." I try to put a comforting hand on her knee, but she knocks it away.

"How could you let this happen, Steve?" I'm no longer the fake uncle. Not that I really blame her.

"I'm sorry, Grace. I—"

"You were supposed to have his back, Steve!"

"I think you should leave now, Commander. You've done enough damage, don't you think?" I don't turn toward the British accent. I can't look away from Grace.

"No. Gracie. Please. I love you both very much."

"Danno trusted you, Steve! He trusted you and you failed him."

"I know. I'm sorry Grace. I'm so, so sorry."

I remember there's something I'm supposed to do. Something she needed to know.

"Danno will always love you, Gracie."

"But he's dead. He's gone because of you, Steve!"

"You killed him, Steve!"

"I hate you, McGarrett!"

"McGarrett!"

I'm suddenly plunged into darkness and transported from the cemetery. Well, that can't be right.

"Hey. You with us, man?"

"Huh?" I turn to the voice, realize I'm in bed, see a silhouette in the dark. I sit up to try and get a better look. "Danny?"

"No Steve, it's Jake." I slump back down onto the thin pillow. "You know where you are?"

A dream. Fuck. I nod, flopping an arm over my eyes to try and pretend this isn't happening. "Barracks at Pearl."

"'Kay. You good?"

"Yeah. I'm good. Sorry."

"Hey, no worries. You do it for us."

Yeah. But I'm the Team Leader. It's my job. My guys aren't supposed to see me like this.

I hear the rustle of sheets that tell me Costas is back in his bunk and I uncover my eyes, staring in the direction of the ceiling until my vision adjusts and it shows itself in the dark. This isn't my first nightmare and it won't be my last. Not even close. As far as I know, though, it's the first time I've ever been caught. And to be caught in this one... it's a nightmare version of my own personal hell. 

I wonder what I said that woke Costas. And how fucked up is it that I pray for nightmares that are nothing more than replays of missions gone wrong? Machine gun fire pinning us down, body parts, IEDs. Shit storms of missions past. All true.

This nightmare, one I've had so many times even if the details change, _cannot_ come true. And the only way to make sure that doesn't happen is to make sure this Op goes off without a hitch. If that means I have to check over the plans a hundred times, I will. 

May as well start now.

505050

The sky outside the small window in the common room is beginning to lighten when I hear footsteps behind me. I look up from the maps and satellite imagery that I've been staring at for at least an hour or two to find Costas emerging from our room. He's half dressed for the day already. I watch him watching me for a moment, raise an eyebrow. I'm not really liking the look he's got on his face. I think whatever is on his mind is really gonna fuck up my day. He nods – to himself or me, I'm not sure – and comes to stand next to me. At attention.

"Morning, Costas."

"Sir." My eyebrow goes a bit higher. I can't stop it. "Permission to speak freely, Sir."

"When have you ever needed permission? Especially when I'm sitting here in my skivvies." He doesn't say anything. Yep. This is definitely going to fuck up my day. I almost deny him on those grounds alone, but something is clearly on his mind and I need his mind clearly on today's Op. There can be no mistakes. It may not be the most important mission the Navy has ever given us, by far, but it's the most important to me. I sigh and wave a hand in his direction.

"Granted." This is something I need to get comfortable for. I can tell by how tense Costas is. I lean back and fold my hands in my lap. Costas stands at ease and takes a deep breath.

"Is your head in the game?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." Okay, so I know I said he could speak freely. I guess he's really taking that to heart. "You've been off since you came back to active duty. I couldn't figure out why. You never really told me what all happened, what you've been doing while you were here, aside from your dad dying and you starting Five-0. I mean, I know all about your partner and his daughter but that's it. I thought maybe something bad went down. But I was wrong. It wasn't bad at all." Costas doesn't know what he's talking about. "You've got family here now, Steve. You never had that before. The Navy was your family. Now that you've got a real one, why did you ever leave it? You shouldn't have come back."

I don't say anything for a minute, feel my eyes narrow. "You don't know what you're talking about." But I know maybe he does. 

I spent half my life without a home; Freddie the closest thing to family I had – and look how that turned out. And I've come to realize that maybe I didn't have much of a family before, like maybe the five years I spent with Five-0 was the only time in my entire life I ever knew what home and family was. I refuse to think about that anymore. Nothing good's gonna come from it.

"You finished?" I ask him. 

He sighs and I refuse to think about how much that reminds me of Danny when he's realized he's pushed too much and he needs to back off. He waves a hand in the direction of the table, changes the subject.

"Seriously, what's with all the prep? This job is so easy, a group of moderately trained actual seals could do it. At most, it's nothing Five-0 hasn't handled on their own. Even after you left." 

I ignore the callback to the conversation we just dropped. "What's with all the prep is that this needs to go absolutely perfect. We were ordered to do this job, even if it's not going to be that exciting for you, and now we've got fucking civilians involved. Top it all off, like I said before, I don't trust our intel."

I can feel his eyes on me as I turn back to leaf through the documents. Then there is the scrape of the chair on the other side of the table. 

"Let me help."


	15. I Stand Amazed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the great reviews, guys! :)

Steve didn't look at Danny once when Five-0 met up with the small group from SEAL Team 7 at the rendezvous point. He didn't look at the rest of the Five-0 team. He didn't speak to anyone but the SEALs. And Danny thought he'd seen Steve's SEAL-Death-Stare-Face before. He was wrong. Damn, if this was how Lt. Cmndr. Steven McGarrett, USN operated for some organized crime jackasses, how the hell did he deal with terrorists killing his fellow soldiers on the battlefield? The thought caused Danny to shudder a bit.

Danny tightened the straps on his vest, checked his weapons, made sure every available hidey-hole was stuffed with extra clips. He watched Steve talk to his Team, but he was speaking quietly and they stood several yards away, so Danny couldn't hear what he was saying. A moment later, he saw Jake nod and led two SEALs to where Five-0 stood. Steve stayed behind with Tom, dealing with something in the back of the vehicle.

"Hey Danny," Jake said. The two other SEALs stood just behind and flanking him in part of a diamond formation. Danny wondered if they'd done it on purpose or if it just came natural to form up when they were all suited up. They held their machine guns in their arms comfortably, like beauty pageant winners cradled bouquets of flowers.

Danny thought maybe the SEALs liked their guns more than those beauty queens liked their flowers.

"Okay, so we're just gonna go over the plans quick one last time." Kono, Chin and Lou finished their checks and stood close by for the final briefing. Danny may be the boss, but there was no doubt who was really in charge here. "We're moving out in five minutes. We've got a mile's march to the compound. We're in first. You follow on our order. HPD SWAT will arrive on the road to the south once we're in position and be available for clean up. Steve and I just got back from some last minute recon. Dozen hostiles. Guards at all exits as predicted. We're gonna move fast and quiet. They won't see us coming. Ready?"

"Ready," Danny confirmed. Jake nodded.

"Move out in three."

There was nothing else for Danny to do but hurry up and wait so he watched the SEALs with their final preparations. Five-0 would usually be joking and bickering with each other until it was time to go, but they all seemed to have independently decided to follow the SEALs in their almost silent movements.

He watched Steve pull a canteen out of the back of the truck, take a long drink, then pour some water into what looked like a canvas bowl and set it on the ground. Before Danny could wonder what the hell that was all about, he heard Tom speak for the first time that morning, whistling first.

"C'mon Tex. Show time." There was a jingle of metal and a beautiful German Shepherd on a long red leash jumped out of the back, wagging its tail. 

Steve clipped the chin strap of his helmet, sporting a helmet cam like the rest of his team. Goddammit, why didn't he ever wear that much protection when he was with Five-0? It would have saved Danny a lot of heart palpitations. Ready to go, he crouched down and nudged the bowl in Tex's direction. 

"Here ya go, buddy. Drink up."

"Huh," Danny couldn't help the little sound of surprise.

"What?" Jake asked

"Thought Steve hated dogs."

Jake raised an eyebrow. "No way, man. Not all Fire Teams use dogs on a regular basis, but I've known Steve ever since he started leading his own and he's always made sure to have a K-9 pair on all his Teams. But from what he's said, I honestly don't think he ever spent a lot of time, if any, around dogs until he became a SEAL and worked with them for the first time in the field. This crew, we were just a four-man deal before. When he came back and took over, he brought on the Double Ts. Steve picked them because Tex's specialty is narcotics, but he's good in pretty much any kind of firefight."

Danny nodded. He supposed that still fit into his canine-world view of McGarrett. Dogs – especially big dogs – were finally trained soldiers like he was. Not slobbering mutts that hogged beds and acted like morons like the one Danny had adopted. Tex wore his own kevlar vest with what looked like as much electronics as his human teammates had. He was the only SEAL with a smile on his face.

There was a click in Danny's earpiece and he saw Jake's hand move up toward his helmet as he walked toward his Team. Then he heard Jake's voice. 

"Williams."

"Yeah." Danny motioned to the rest of his own time. It was go time.

505050

Danny sat at his desk, staring at his computer monitor. Jake had given him a copy of the footage from a couple of the helmet cams from this morning's little adventure. What he saw had him speechless. He knew if Steve was here, he would never have heard the end of that. At least, the old Steve would have. Maybe this Steve too, who knew. Definitely not Danny because he hadn't spoken to his friend all day. 

From the time Danny's team showed up Steve hadn't even acknowledged their presence. Jake relayed all orders to Five-0. Steve seemed tense – or perhaps it was just the weight of the armour and equipment strapped on his body – but somehow also completely in the zone and comfortable. Almost more so than Danny had ever seen him.

Yeah, Danny'd been a bit pissed about that at first. But as he sat in front of his computer, it all kinda made sense. 

He'd watched Steve like a hawk, as much as he could being five men back, on their route march through the rain forest. The man was completely focused on the mission, they all were. Unless the camouflaged men had their own comm frequency, they only time Danny heard any of them speak in anything other than infrequent clicks was when Jake relayed orders to him. 

Five-0 broke a few twigs, rustled leaves. The SEALs were completely silent. Once they hit the compound and the SEALs had taken out the guards, Danny hadn't seen them again until everything was over. It had only been a couple of minutes before Jake called them in, but there'd been nothing left to do. Watching the video now, he realized that calling Five-0 in at all really had been just a courtesy, or politics as Steve suggested – something the SEAL had been ordered to do. And one thing Danny knew Steve was good at was following orders from his superiors.

Clearly no one had ordered him to make sure Five-0 actually helped in any way.

The Military men wasted no ammunition. They remained quick and silent and barely even needed hand signals to know where Steve wanted them to go. They moved as one. It was actually kind of amazing to watch. Sure he'd watched SEAL Team 9 on an Op once, with Steve standing next to him, tense with what, even at the time, Danny has assumed to be longing. He'd asked his friend then if he'd done this stuff. Got that smirk and a 'classified' in return. But knowing and seeing were, of course, two very different things, and here he was actually watching Steve. It made him realize something.

Danny had been right all along.

Five-0 Team Lead Steven McGarrett was reckless. He rarely followed procedure of any kind, let alone Naval. He was sloppy. Danny was no mind reader, but he knew Steve, okay? And now, he knew him even better. He was pretty sure he knew why this SEAL was so different from his boss.

Steve had been holding himself back. He'd been trying so hard to be that cop that Danny was trying to teach him to be. And he'd been too worried about his Team. Danny knew that Steve was proud of them, proud of their abilities – none of them had needed those commendations to know that. Danny knew they were all more than capable, or Steve wouldn't have them on his Task Force. At the end of the day, though, they were civilians and cops, sworn to serve and protect. Steve had sworn to protect civilians, take out the hostiles, and, when required, die for his country. He went in without backup so much, not because there was no time to wait, but because he wanted the bad guys taken out before anyone else showed up.

Danny leaned back in his chair and let out a long breath.

And saw McGarrett standing in his doorway, jaw clenched as his eyes shift from the monitor to Danny. If Danny's gonna be honest – and really, when isn't he? – he didn't expect to see Steve again. 

It was just two hours from the time Five-0 met up with the SEALs until most of HPD and the ambulances were gone again. Of the group of twelve Yakuza and Colombians, seven were dead and five were injured – all with military precision. The cops had barely got a shot off but none of the good guys were injured. All that were left now were the forensics guys, Max and the rest of his team, the SEALs and Five-0. 

Danny found Steve and Tom sitting against one of the outbuildings, helmets upturned on the ground beside them but the rest of their armour still in place. Danny and his Team had shed theirs as soon as possible. Tex lay on the ground between the two SEALs, panting happily as the men pet him. Steve looked up, met Danny's eyes but before the cop could go over and talk to him, Max had called him over.

The next thing he knew, the SEALs were getting into their vehicles for the drive back to Pearl and a debrief. He'd barely managed to catch Jake and suggest they meet back at the Palace and then go for drinks. Given Steve's history in the past six months... well, yeah. You couldn't blame Danny for thinking Steve wouldn't allow it. He was pretty sure the only reason he'd agreed to go to the Hilton was for Team bonding before the Op.

But, here he was, not even sporting Aneurysm Face though he did seem nervous. Danny couldn't help but smile. He swivelled his chair to face the other man.

"So, Operation Blueberry Fields was a success."

"Yeah. Didn't expect anything different."

"I still can't believe you called it that." Steve shrugged, but he couldn't hide the grin that spread across his face. "Well, it seemed fitting. Thought you'd like it."

"This mean I'm gonna hear about Strawberries anytime soon?"

"Nope."

Danny faked an exasperated sigh. "Fine. Let's go, you Neanderthal." He tossed him the keys to the Camaro. Steve was so surprised he almost fumbled the catch.


	16. Home Sweet Home

I barely contain a sigh of pleasure as I settle into the Camaro's driver seat. Kinda wish I could open her up on the highway. I've been itching to drive it since returning to the island, but needed to stay with my Team until the mission was over. Now, though, the Op is over and we're all going to celebrate. 

I've made it a tradition to celebrate the end of a mission – or a case – with a gathering, preferably with alcohol, since I started leading my own Teams. And a group of SEALs are certainly no strangers to the beach. But I've still never experienced a post-Op celebration quite like the ones I had with Five-0 at my father's house. Relaxed. With family.

And then, when we'd handed over the last of the survivors to HPD, I saw Chin turn to Danny and just say "Drinks at the house?". I said nothing and then we were all climbing back into the trucks to head back to Pearl and I finally felt myself really relax for the first time since arriving back on the island. Everyone was okay. Everyone was fine. My nightmare didn't come true. This time.

Then Costas told me Danny invited us 'round and I agreed before I even realized what I was saying. But my guys deserved it. And, not gonna lie, I really wanted to. 

Now, I lead the convoy of SEALs and Five-0 to 'the house', which, though hadn't actually been clarified, I figured meant my father's house – Danny's house. I'd always wondered if he ever moved in. Until that Doris Conversation, I honestly had no way of knowing if he'd even stepped foot in the neighbourhood since I left them all at HQ six months ago. But I hoped I knew him. He would have wanted to, if nothing else, yell at me again before I left, even if I didn't give him the chance. And I knew he would do what I asked of him, even if it were only for Grace.

I pull up in what used to be my father's driveway, next to what used to be my truck, and turn off the engine. Two SUVs pull up behind the Camaro and Silverado and two Teams, mingled and spread out between the two vehicles, pile out. Danny and I stay in our seats. I drop my hands to my lap as I stare at the house. I hear Danny shift next to me. 

"All right, babe?" Still with the 'babe'. It's kind of amazed me this whole week that he keeps throwing that around like nothing's happened. Like he's forgiven me. Like he misses me. I really don't get it. I close my eyes, listen to Danny's breathing, the scratch of his nails against his pants as he fidgets, the faint sound of crashing waves from the backyard.

"Yeah, I'm good." I open my eyes, toss him his keys. "Thanks," I say with a genuine smile, and reach for the door.

I follow Danny through the front door of the house and look around. There's more photos on the walls – all considerably less than twenty-odd years old. The living room furniture has been moved aside to accommodate the tent now in the middle of the room, spewing blankets out onto the floor.

Walking farther into the house, I see a small, open backpack slung over a dining room chair, some of its contents littering the table: a teen magazine, a novel, a sparkly purple pencil case, a notebook with pink hearts and flowers drawn on it. I don't even try to hide the grin that spreads across my face. As I look at the scene before me, Danny moves by me toward the table.

"Sorry about the mess. We've been non-stop since I dropped Grace of last time. I've barely been here to sleep."

I stop him with a hand on his arm. "Leave it, Danno."

Danny turns to me, and takes in my smile, questioning me with his eyes and a slight quirk of his eyebrow. "A family lives here, finally," I tell him. "A happy one. It's perfect."

Danny's expression changes and I'm pretty sure his silly, wide grin is a match to mine. "Goof," he says and I release him. He continues on to the kitchen to grab the beers and some meat for the grill. Five-0 heads out to the lanai and my team forms up behind me.

"Shit, this is your place?" As expected, Chin and Kono have been telling stories.

"Was," I nod. "My grandfather bought it just before the Pearl Harbour attack." We move out to join the others outside.

"You know, McGarrett, I always knew you were a bit crazy—"

" _Thank_ you!" Danny says, as he hands out the first round of beer. "I've been telling him that for years. Maybe he'll listen to his fellow Army buddies."

"Navy, Danno," I say, taking the bottle from him with a nod of thanks. I'm falling into the banter like I never left. "Naaa-vy." He lets out an indignant snort and moves on. I just laugh and take a pull from the cool bottle, look back at Sanford. "'Crazy', huh?"

"Fucking right. You had a free beach front property in paradise, and a sweet civvy job with the Navy on the side. Friends like these? The best of everything. You drop it all to come back to this shit show? What the fuck, man? Definitely capital-C crazy. Why'd ya do it?"

Danny's eyes keep flicking over and he's trying to eavesdrop while carrying on a conversation with Kono and a couple of my guys. And I know... he'd like to know why, too.

We mingle, drink beer and eat good food. Share stories. At one point, the conversation drifts away from me. I take the opportunity to move away from the crowd, to the two chairs and the table, so in need of a paint job, sitting in the same place I left them. I settle into 'my' chair, close my eyes and listen to the ocean. 

It's the same ocean as the one I listen to back in California, sitting on the sandy beach and closing my eyes, just like I'm doing now. It's the same ocean, but it doesn't calm me like it does here. It doesn't feel like...

It's just not the same.


	17. Another Last Goodbye

Less than an hour after they all arrived at the house, Steve was asleep in the beach chair. Danny spent the next two hours, while playing host and enjoying the conversation, protecting his sleeping friend from boisterous former teammates, pranking SEALs and anything else that would disturb his sleep. 

Sooner than usual, and possibly because at least two people were gonna have to stop after only one beer in order to get all vehicles and people back to where they belonged, the party broke up and everyone started heading back to the SUVs. Jake finished helping Danny clean up and then looked down to the beach where Steve still rested, completely unaware that it was time to go. 

"Hey," Danny said, putting a hand up to stop Jake before he could go out and wake the other man. "Does he actually need to go back to the base tonight?"

The SEAL frowned and hesitated a moment before answering. "Well, no. Not really."

"Kay, well, let's just let him rest? He can stay here tonight. When and where does he need to be tomorrow and I'll make sure he's there. And when he wakes up later, if he really wants to go back to the base tonight, I'll drive him down."

Jake looked from the beach to Danny a few times, as if trying to decide what to do. Or, maybe, how angry Steve would be with him if he left him here.

"Yeah. Okay. He should probably be back by noon." 

"Noon got it." There was a drunken honk from one of the vehicles. "Go on. Steve'll be fine."

Jake grinned. "I know. Maybe you can knock some sense into him."

Danny kinda doubted it. He followed the other man outside and waved the crew off then headed back in. He'd love another beer, or something stronger, but made himself a cup of coffee instead. Probably not the best choice this late, but if Steve did want to go back to base, he wasn't calling a cab for him, dammit. 

He leaned against the counter and took a couple of sips. He could almost see McGarrett standing across from him, stirring butter into his goddamn coffee teasing him about Grace's texting. Remembered how grateful he'd felt, after all that was over, that his partner had talked him down from the ledge. He'd never told him that. Danny took a deep breath and headed back outside.

Sipping his coffee, he moved through the backyard to sit in his chair next to Steve. He set the mug on the table between them and looked over at is ex-partner still sleeping in the old wooden chair. That could not be comfortable. Despite that, when he'd checked on him before seeing everyone out, he'd been amazed at how young and peaceful Steve had looked. Now, his brow was creased and Danny thought he saw a slight twitch of his head.

"Sorry... Gracie... "

Danny's expression began to mirror Steve's. The other man grunted and the little twitches became quick jerks of his head. A nightmare. Considering he was calling out his daughter's name in his sleep – which, okay, weird – Danny figured it probably wasn't some classified SEAL thing that was gonna get him killed if he got too close. He got down on his knees in front of his friend, put his hand on Steve's knee and gave a little squeeze.

"Hey, Steve. Babe, wake up."

"Sorry..." But he was still asleep.

"Steve!" 

"Uhh!" Steve jolted awake, looked around with wild eyes until they landed on Danny. He furrowed his brow, licked his bottom lip. "Dan-Danny?" He asked like he expected the answer to be 'no'. 

"Yeah, babe. It's me."

Steve slumped back in the chair. "Fuck." Danny patted his knee a couple times and moved back to his own chair.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." He blinked, sat back up and looked around the area. "Where is everyone?" The crease in his brow deepened. "How long have I been out?"

"Well Sleeping Beauty, you've been out almost three hours. Everyone's gone home.

"Shit." Steve looked around once more and then moved to get up.

"Whoa whoa whoa. Where you goin', huh?" Danny stood up with him and held his arm.

"I've gotta get back to the base."

Danny's free hand waved in the air. "No, actually, I happen to know for a fact, you don't need to be anywhere until tomorrow. So, you wanna try again, huh?"

Steve sighed, and looked at the ground. "I'm tired, Danny."

Danny gave another comforting squeeze before letting him go. "Well, luckily there are only two of us, and three bedrooms and a couch in this house. Which you should know because you've lived in it a lot longer than I have." Looking back up at Danny, Steve seemed to search his face, as if looking for some kind of answer. "We missed you, you know."

Another moment of silence, of Steve watching him. Then a nod. "Yeah. Yeah, okay."

"M'kay," Danny replied, nodding in return. "So, you gonna tell me about that dream, or nightmare, or whatever, or what?" Steve's expression turned dark and he looked back down at the ground.

"I said drop it, Danny."

"Now, see, maybe I normally would – grudgingly, mind you – but you say my daughter's name in your sleep Steve, and I feel like I have a right to know why. I also happen to know you can't pull that 'classified' shit on me this time."

Steve winced at the revelation that he's called out the girl's name in the middle of _that_ nightmare. "Sorry, man."

"Hey, I'm not mad, babe." Danny put his hand on the small table, by his cooling coffee, like he wanted to reach out and touch his friend. "I just want to help. And talking about it might help."

The SEAL looked up again and nodded, although he didn't look convinced. "Can I at least have a beer?"

Danny chuckled. "Yeah, of course, buddy. Let's go inside, huh?"

They made their way into the house and Danny motioned to the living-room-turned-campsite for Steve to settle into the couch while he got a couple beers out of the fridge. He cracked them open and followed Steve into the other room and sat next to him on the couch, turning so he could see him. He handed over a bottle and took a sip of his own as he waited for Steve to start. Just as Danny thought he was going to have to prod him some more, Steve spoke.

"You... you remember Freddie's funeral?" He wouldn't look at Danny; stared into the sweating bottle like it held all the answers to the universe. But he was talking, so Danny let it slide.

"Yeah, babe. I remember."

"At the funeral, I knelt down in front of his daughter. Had to tell her how much her father meant to me, how much he loved her, what a great man he was. And, I mean, she was so young and she'd never even met him. It was really hard."

Danny wanted to reach out and comfort him, pull him into one of those great hugs that with anyone else would be weird and embarrassing but with Steve, his friend, his brother, just made sense. He wanted to, but he didn't. He felt like if he even breathed, Steve would realize what he was doing and stop talking.

"In my... in my nightmare... it's your funeral and I have to tell Grace."

"Steve—"

"And she's older and she knew you, loved you, you were her Danno. She's screaming at me. She hates me. She blames me. And I tell her I'm so sorry, but it doesn't matter. And everything she's screaming at me, I've already screamed at myself. And if Freddie's death, his funeral, was hard, yours kills me." He lets out a long, shuddering breath, like that took everything out of him. Maybe it did. "So yeah, that was my dream. Same one I've been having for a year or more now."

Danny brought the previously forgotten bottle to his lips, took a long drink to wet his suddenly dry mouth. Steve finally turned to look at him and Danny saw nothing but fear and shame and hatred on his face. He felt his heart pounding in his throat, and a knife in his gut.

"That's why you left, isn't it?"

"I killed Freddie. I left his daughter without even the memory of her father. I won't do that to you and Grace."

"You won't. You didn't kill Freddie, Steve." The taller man was on his feet in an instant, pacing the living room as much as he could without tripping over camping gear and misplaced furniture.

"I killed him, Danny! He wanted out of the SEALs. I made him stay. And then I left him behind. I abandoned him."

Danny got to his feet as well, got up into McGarrett's face, which was an impressive feat on its own. But he would do anything to try and get through to his friend, to try and get him to get rid of all this misplaced guilt.

"You're kind of a jerk, you know that, McGarrett? For a guy you claimed to love and respect, you don't think very highly of him. You don't think he could make his own choices? That with faced with the, I'm guessing, pretty big and life-altering choice of becoming a fucking Navy SEAL or not, he was so weak he'd stay just because you told him to? If he was that weak, he'd have washed out whether he wanted to or not." Danny narrowed his eyes, wasn't sure he was actually getting through to him or not. "I guess now I know what you really think of me, then."

"What? No, Danny, I—"

"What then? Freddie wanted to be a SEAL. You helped him be the best he could be. You hand-picked him for that mission because you knew he could do the job and I bet you didn't order him to do it. You asked him and he made the choice to go with you. Yeah, the mission got fucked, but he knew that was a possibility and he chose to continue the mission to his death. If you had done anything different at the time, he probably still would have died and it would have been for nothing. He died a hero and you sure as hell didn't leave him behind, did you? I know you'd been working on that deal since you got stateside and even when they fucked with that, you made it right. You may be a fucking Ninja SEAL, but you're one person, Steve. You can't save the world."

"I don't want to save the world." Steve looked right at him and the rest of the sentence was left unfinished. 

"Yeah, well, I could leave Grace without a father just by going to the store to buy a carton of milk, you know." The battered man next to him tightened his fist around his beer bottle. Like maybe his next step would be to dispose of every goddamn milk carton in existence just to stop that from happening. "Hell, she could leave me without a daughter just by hanging out at the mall with her friends. That kind of fear is just part of being a parent. It's part of being human, babe. And maybe until that deadly milk run happens, we'd just like our brother and our uncle in our lives."

"I just need you alive and happy."

"Yeah? Maybe we need that from you, too. I told you once that I saw everything ending. But never you. Since when did you start doing the leaving, Steve? We never left you. Not once." 

"I know." He picked at the label. "But you should have."

"Never gonna happen, babe."

Danny sank back down to the couch, watched his friend and hoped he hadn't fucked everything up more than it already was. He wasn't expecting to change anything right now, Steve would still be leaving again tomorrow, but maybe he had the chance of actually seeing him again, without the SEAL being ordered to do so. He let the next few minutes pass in silence.

"You wanna maybe swing by Rachel's tomorrow and see Grace on the way to the base?"

Steve swung around to face him, frowning. "I don't think that's a good idea, Danny."

"You don't wanna see her? 'Cause if you say that, I'll know you're lying. Don't lie to me, Steven. And besides, she'll want to see you, too." 

"Yeah, I want to see her. But, is that smart? I'm not staying Danny."

"Of course it's smart. We've been over this before: I'm a very smart guy. And I have a very smart daughter."

"Yeah you do."

"Good, it's decided then. I know she really wants to thank you."

Steve frowned as he sat back down, looking a bit more relaxed. "For what?"

"Um, for letting us stay here, for one thing?"

The SEAL shrugged. "You and Grace are my family. Mary, too, but I've never been as close to anyone as I've been with you. I love you guys. And this house? It's never really known love and happiness. My Grandfather died literally a week after they moved into this place. And then there is the farce that was my childhood. My grandfather had a dream for this house, Danny. It was supposed to be full of love, exude happiness, echo with laughter. Instead, it's lies and blood and silence punctuated by gunshots." A deep breath and a drink from the bottle, finishing off the beer. "You and Grace? You're perfect. You guys have only been here for, what, six months? And even though she's not here all the time, I can feel how different it is."

Steve looked over at Danny, to find the Detective's jaw practically hanging open and he barely managed to hide a smile. He hadn't forced that out of him. Steve had done that all on his own. If Danny knew going back to the Navy would make him open up like this, maybe he would have reactivated Steve himself, years ago. 

They spent another half hour and another beer in companionable silence until they finally made their way upstairs. Suddenly, Danny wasn't quite sure of the etiquette when inviting someone to stay in their own house, but Steve went straight to his childhood bedroom instead of the master. Danny followed him in, to make sure everything was ready.

"We still love you, you know. We'll be here when you're ready come home."

"I'm not coming back. I thought you knew that." 

"You'll be back. And we'll be here when you are." Danny stepped back into the hall to head to his own room, until Steve's voice stopped him. 

"Danny?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"I love you, too.


	18. Amazing Grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay y'all. I actually had the next chapter written and ready to post. After some requests for more Grace, however, I got the idea for this chapter that needed to come directly after the previous chapter. Hope it was worth the wait. Not sure about it...

"Grace, honey, it's time to get up."

Grace groaned and grabbed the pillow to put it over her head. She rolled over and peeked out at the clock on her bedside table. It was way too early for this.

"Mom, why are you waking me up so early?"

She heard her mom laugh and come farther into the room. "Your father is going to take you to school today."

That made Grace perk up a bit, enough to uncover her face and look at her mother, but she still had that too-early-in-the-morning scowl that almost matched Danno's. 

"Still too early."

"He wants to take you for breakfast on the way."

A grin finally replaced the scowl. "Really?" During the time she spent at her mother's house, it was unusual for her to allow Danno to do much more than drive Grace to school on the odd occasion, or visit with her in the foyer after a really tough case. He never told her about the cases, of course, but she could always tell. She knew her Danno.

"Yes, really. Unless you'd like me to tell him you'd rather stay in bed."

"No! No, I'm getting up!"

She saw her mother smile a sad smile, but ignored it for now as she went to the closet to pull out a clean uniform.

"Okay, he'll be here in fifteen minutes."

"I'll be ready!" She took the skirt off its hanger, but looked up as her mom left and started to close the door. Still holding the skirt, she ran to the door. "Mom! Wait."

"Yes, Grace?"

Grace threw her arms around her mother and hugged her.

"Thanks, mom."

A moment later, her mother hugged her back, then left her to get dressed.

When Grace came downstairs with her backpack, Danno was in the foyer talking to her mom. She wasn't able to hear what they were talking about before he saw her and they stopped talking, but her mother didn't seem happy with him. But then, that wasn't really new.

"Danno!" She ran down the rest of the stairs and into his strong arms.

"Hey, Monkey! You wanna hang out with me for a bit before school?"

"Yes!" He released her to take her hand.

"Let's go then." She nodded and turned to thank her mom again before following Danno out to his sleek black car that all the kids at school were jealous of – even the ones with parents richer than hers.

"Where are we going to go, Danno?"

"Well, you wouldn't want me to ruin the surprise, would you, Monkey?" He asked her as he settled her into the back seat. She sighed in annoyance, but her smile never faltered.

"I guess not."

"All right then." He winked at her and got behind the wheel.

"Will there be pancakes?"

"I'm not sure. It's a definite possibility, though." Danno grinned at her in the rear-view mirror before pulling away from the house.

Throughout the drive, Grace told him stories about her weekend in Maui, and the competition where her team had placed third. Some of the stories she had already told him over the phone, but that didn't matter to either of them. She wasn't paying attention to where they were going, so didn't realize they were heading to the house until Danno pulled into the familiar driveway and shut off the car.

"Danno? What are we doing at home?" She figured they'd go to their favourite breakfast place, that just happened to be a few blocks from her school, especially as they didn't have a lot of time.

Her father still said nothing as he helped her out of the car, but his wide grin was contagious. She took his hand and skipped beside him up to the house they had moved into right after Uncle Steve left. Grace didn't really care why they were here; all that mattered was that she had got bonus Danno Time. Even better that he looked happy; nothing horrible had prompted this outing.

Inside, Grace could smell the bacon, even before she heard it sizzling, followed by the scent of blueberries and vanilla. Before she could spend a lot of time wondering how food was cooking when her father had been busy picking her up, they were nearing the kitchen and she saw a man moving around in the room. He wore khaki cargo pants and a tan t-shirt; tattoos peeked out from the sleeves and his short dark hair was wet.

"Uncle Steve!" Grace let go of Danno's hand and ran into Uncle Steve's waiting arms as he crouched to her level. "You're home!" He squeezed almost too tight, but she didn't mind and gave back as good as she got. She felt him rest his forehead on her shoulder for a moment and she pulled back to look at him. He looked tired and the grey had crept father along his temples, but he looked happy as he grinned at her.

"We missed you, Uncle Steve."

"I missed you, too, kiddo." He kissed the top of her head. "I'm not staying, though. Just passing through. You understand?" Grace nodded and her smile faltered, though it didn't disappear completely. "I have to go back this afternoon, but Danno said you guys can play hooky with me this morning until he has to take me back to work. How's that sound?" 

"Awesome!" He chuckled and ruffled her hair as he stood, as much as he could with it in a ponytail, and settled his hand on her shoulder. 

"Why don't you kids go get cleaned up," Her father said from where he'd taken over at the stove. "Before I eat all these myself." He poured the last of the batter onto the griddle and placed a dish full of pancakes and crispy bacon back in the oven to keep warm.

"Okay! Let's go, Uncle Steve." She grabbed his hand and tugged him upstairs. Once they got to the second floor landing, she didn't let him go to follow Danno's instructions, instead leading him to her room. Only then did she let go of his hand, to go and sit on her bed with a bounce. Uncle Steve stayed in the doorway, leaning against the frame with crossed arms and a smile.

"You don't want pancakes, Gracie? Because I'm pretty sure Danno will eat it all, as threatened, if we don't make it down in time." Grace giggled.

"I do, but I just wanted... to say thank you first, in case I don't get a chance to later."

Uncle Steve frowned and came to sit next to her on the bed. "What for, Gracie?" She looked at him like he had suddenly sprouted an extra head.

"For letting us stay in your house. For my awesome room. I love it!" Grace was ecstatic to see his face light up at her words. He looked around the room, as if taking in all the changes she had made to it since he redecorated it: a couple of French bulletin boards with photos, notes, and other snapshots of teenage life; books; iPod dock. The only toys in the room were a seal plushie, much like the one she had given him, and a primitive cloth doll standing on her desk.

"That's good to hear, kiddo. I want you and Danno to be happy here." 

She bit her lip, stopping herself from saying something she knew would only make her Uncle Steve sad, or feel guilty. She had the feeling he spent enough time feeling those things and she wouldn't do that to him, not when she only had a couple of hours with him. She had his back.

He stood up and walked over to the desk to pick up the doll. She watched him look down at it for a minute or two. He was quiet. She saw the muscles in his arm flex as his hand tightened around it. She wasn't sure he was completely here with her at the moment. There had to be a story behind the doll; she wanted to know it.

"Uncle Steve?"

"Hmm?" It seemed to take a moment longer than it should for him to look away from the doll and back at her. "Sorry Grace, did you say something?"

She shook her head 'no'. "Thank you for sending me that doll."

He smiled at her, looking a bit sheepish. "I know you're too old for dolls. But I saw it and I really had to get it for you."

Again, she shook her head. "I love it. Where did you find it?" She prompted. He huffed out a laugh and she thought she heard him mutter 'it's classified' under his breath. He sat back down next her, but his eyes didn't leave the doll that his thumb was running across the little sleeve of its arm. 

"I can't actually tell you were I got it. It was a bad place, though, Gracie. A really bad place." 

"Did you get the bad guys?" 

He smiled. "Yeah, we got the bad guys, kiddo. After, I was helping some of the other soldiers deal with the people from the town that had lost their homes. There was a mother and her daughter, who was just a couple years older than you, making these dolls for the younger kids. They've been living with all this stuff all their lives, but they've just lost their homes. They were still scared and brave and amazing. And this little girl just wanted to help by making them some toys. She told me that the first one she ever made was for her little sister, who died in the fighting. I asked her if I could trade for one for this amazing girl I knew back home."

Grace looked at the doll, still in Uncle Steve's hands, like it was the most precious gem. "Thank you for telling me that story, Uncle Steve. I love it even more now." He handed it over to her, wrapped his arm around her shoulders so he could pull her in and kiss the top of her head.

"Mmm," Danno interrupted from downstairs, exaggerating his delight. "These pancakes are really good. Too bad they'll all be gone before anyone else can try them!"


	19. Die Alone

I feel it all slam into me. Hitting me in the chest.

I'd spent the last fifteen months, especially since Doris' Op, working myself ragged. Only letting my brain focus on missions and tactics and training. Until the only time I had not working, I was so exhausted, I could do nothing but plummet into a blissfully thoughtless, dreamless sleep. Anything to stop myself from thinking about palm trees and beaches and surfboards and loud haoles. Until now.

I blame Danny.

I didn't realize it would be so different this time. I never missed anyone before. I never once pulled a well-worn photo from my pocket to look at, even knowing how much my chest would hurt at the act. Fuck, this is 'just' my best friend and his kid. Once again, I wonder how the hell guys with actual families do this? How did Freddie do this? Fuck, I'm pathetic. 

My heart was always kind of shrivelled and hard. At least, it could be when I needed it to be. Like it should be now. I wish it was. Freddie's had always been thrown wide open, even while we were working. Just like mine's been the last few years. 

I thought it would be better after I left, when I had escaped the suffocating weight of the Hawaiian sun and Danny's... just Danny. But after fifteen months, it still isn't any better. It got worse. Well, fuck Danny. Fuck Hawaii and that goddamn five year vacation I took that ruined everything. I'd kept my body fit, but forgot to maintain the mortar on my walls and they'd crumbled to the ground. 

That's the real reason I left. Humpty Dumpty didn't fall; the whole fucking wall collapsed and now I'm scrambled and no one can ever put me back together and I've got no idea what to do with all the pieces. I spent my childhood and early adulthood being taught the importance of walls and how to build and maintain them. I spent my entire career honing them into the best fucking walls in existence – better than the goddamn pyramids, thank you very much. 

Then Danny breezed into my life and I got rusty and Danny took advantage, and went all Jersey on them. Now I'm buried alive, suffocating in the rubble. My chest fucking hurts. But I can't go back. The rubble will crush me. It already is. I tried to pull away from them but it didn't work. No, I'll stay here, where it's safe.

The pain in my chest shoots through my arteries. Stabs me in the leg.

Weird metaphor, but okay.

I remember back to that old woman's apartment we used for a surveillance gig one time, telling Danny things that I've never told anyone. Hell, things I barely acknowledged to myself. Things that had nothing to do with people trying to kill or torture me. Just the things that, you know, made me into the epic screw up I am today. 

I remember telling Danny about my father, about how he molded me into his own image – a man obviously fiercely protective of his family, but at the same time, equating emotions as weakness. I remember telling Danny about that damn talent show. I remember all the other times – too many, but not enough – that I've willingly torn apart my heart and shown him its contents as they pool on the ground around me in a sticky mess, staining my cammies. Every single one of those times has been vomit-almost-inducing hell – even thinking about it now makes my stomach churn – fuck, actually I'd really like to puke right now, but something tells me that's not a good idea – but at the same time, they had been the most freeing, wonderful moments of my life. Sounds kinda fucked to me.

Danny is so free with his feelings. He taught me that emotions weren't weakness, but that still doesn't mean I'm comfortable with them. But if I could tell anyone anything, it always was and always will be Danny; not Cath, not even Freddie. Danny scaled my walls on the first day we met without even trying and once he realized what he'd done, he just got to work trying to tear them down completely, without cracking that fragile eggshell.

Again, I'm not sure about that metaphor.

Funny the shit that goes through your mind when you're dying.

I look down at the dark pool growing around me and suddenly the world crashes back down on me. The _thwump thwump thwump_ of copter blades. _Ack ack ack_ of gun fire. Yelling. Blinding sun. Excruciating pain starting in my leg and shooting through the rest of my body. I should probably do something about that. First aid. Find cover. Return fire. Call for help.

I don't do any of that. As I feel the pool grow around me, I just... feel nothing else. There's no more guilt. No more tug-o-war. No more responsibility. No more anything. Peace. Just the one thing I could always count on: finding cover, running away to die alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shortie this time. And as for the end... don't worry, guys!


	20. The Call

"You have to let me in. I'm his partner!" Okay, technically? Not exactly true anymore, like, for almost a year and a half now. Still. He needed to get in the goddamn room and these military doctors seemed to be even more hard-assed than the civilian ones. 

It seemed like only minutes ago but, somehow at the same time, also years since he'd got the call. Jake called him while he was in the middle of a morning briefing with Five-0. He'd dropped everything and flew half way around the world. 'Cause that's just what Danny does.

But these goddamn people would not let him see Steve; wouldn't even tell him if he was alive for crissake. Danny didn't really give two shits that Steve had removed him from his list of emergency contacts. At this moment, he didn't really give two shits that Steve's sorry excuse for a mother had replaced him. According to Jake, the nurses had been trying to get a hold of Doris who, surprise, surprise, was nowhere to be found. It was Jake himself who, still having Danny's number in his phone from the Hawaiian Op, had called to tell him Steve was injured and did he know how to contact his mother. 

So, yeah, he didn't care about proper procedure, or confidentially laws or any of that goddamn shit. He just needed to get in the fucking room. He was about to pull out his weapon and start threatening people. Except, oh yeah, he didn't have his weapon. Good thing, probably.

The door to Steve's room opened and Jake stepped out into the hall.

"Danny?"

"That's me." 

The SEAL looked at the nurse. "It's okay. He should be here." The nurse narrowed his eyes and walked away. "What are you doing here?"

Danny just looked at him and raised an eyebrow, like it was the dumbest question to ever be asked. Of course, as far as Danny was concerned, it was. Where the hell else would he be?

"You couldn't contact his mother?"

Danny laughed. "Didn't even bother trying. She doesn't want to be found. Steve knew that."

"But then why would he—"

"Because our favourite SEAL – no offense – is emotionally disturbed, no thanks to said mother, and has spent the last two years pushing his real family away." Jake didn't say anything for a moment, then nodded and led Danny into the room.

Next to the bed, Danny's eyes were glued to Steve's unconscious body as he listened to Jake who hung back by the door, observing. When he began to speak, his voice was quiet, as if afraid to wake up the sleeping SEAL. But Danny wanted nothing more than to wake him, see those hazel eyes searching the room for him. He took his hand.

"She looked just like your daughter," Danny looked up at Jake at that, brow furrowing. But just for a moment because then he was looking back down at Steve again. "The girl he was trying to save, I mean. We were in... well, we were some place that was not the Middle East, and the girl – thirteen or fourteen, maybe? – she looked just like your daughter from where we standing by the copter. We were kinda far way, but I've seen that photo of, Grace right?, that he has enough times.

"Anyway, the mission was FUBAR. We got bad intel. The place was hot and it shouldn't have been more than lukewarm. We managed to take out most of the insurgents, but they'd managed to take out pretty much the entire village, first. That little girl was really all that was left. We still had a few targets to clear, but called for extraction. By the time the bird arrived, we were down to three. Figured we'd take 'em from the air, you know? 

"We were just about on the copter – Steve last, of course – and that's when we saw her. That girl stumbling out of a half destroyed building. There was nothing we could do, though. We didn't have line of sight on the guys anymore, but we knew they had a clear shot on her. But they didn't take it like they had with everyone else. Then two of the guys were running across the square to grab her. God knows what they had planned for her. I sure as fuck don't wanna know. But Steve, man, he lost it."

Danny ran is free hand through Steve's hair, longer than the last time he'd seen it. "Oh, babe..."

"I mean, not completely, of course. He knew what was going on, knew it wasn't Grace – couldn't be off that what with how she was screaming in another language. He ordered us onto the bird, to continue with the plan, take the guys out like we planned. The way they were running to her, he could have taken them out right from where we were, but he didn't. He just ran towards her; he was too focused on just getting to her before they did. 

"I know she was just a girl, I know they were going to do horrible things to her. I wanted to stop them; I'm not a monster. But, we needed to get the hell out of Dodge, and he'd almost been inside the damn bird when he turned back. We probably could have saved her from them from the air."

Danny got that. He really did. He'd had to make some tough decisions in his years as a cop. But this guy obviously wasn't a father, at least he hadn't been a year ago, and especially not of a 13 year old girl. Steve wasn't either, technically, but Danny had long ago realized that Steve didn't really give a fuck about technicalities. 

"I got clipped a bit going back for him, but nothing big. Just enough to be able to snag a ride with him. He made a stupid, fucking, rookie mistake. I've been part of his teams for years. Even when he _was_ a rookie, he wouldn't have done that."

Danny let out a long, slow breath. "Hear that, babe? You did something so stupid, even an Army Ranger isn't happy about it."

"n'vy, d'nn." But there was no fluttering of eyelids or a squeeze of the hand. Danny couldn't decide if Steve was actually waking up or not. Or maybe he'd just imagined it altogether.

"Did he save the girl, at least?"

Jake shook his head. "They shot her after they shot him. Guess they figured she wasn't worth the hassle. We got 'em, though. He took two to the armour and one to the leg, nicked the artery. Touch and go there for a bit, but he'll be fine. Otherwise just some cracked ribs."

"'M fine." 

Danny looked back down and this time Steve did seem to be waking up. Jake slipped from the room as Danny pulled up a chair with his free hand.

"Yeah-huh, sure you are."

His eyes opened fully and blinked furiously against the harsh light before they looked around the room and finally landed on Danny. His brow furrowed and he licked his lips.

"D'nny?"

"Yeah, babe. Here." He reached over and poured a glass of water and helped him take a drink and then get more comfortable.

"Y'r not s'pose to be here. Doris..."

"Yeah, yeah. Well, surprise, surprise, no one could find her. Jake called me to see if I could contact her."

Steve frowned and huffed. He probably would have looked more angry if he hadn't had to cough after.

"Besides. All the places in the world I've chased after you to? Germany's pretty sweet. Not passing that up. We should go for beers later. Maybe some bratwürst." He helped Steve with some more water after his failed attempt at laughter-turned-more-coughing. "Why'd ya replace me with Doris, huh? You know, as your emergency contact. I mean, I know we aren't partners anymore but... you knew no one'd be able to find her."

"That's... why I did it. I'd rather have no one but... it's kinda a requirement. Navy likes to have civilians make medical decisions for them or, better yet, parade out their Chaplains with their long faces and apologies and 'he's in a better place'. I didn't want anyone I actually... cared about dropping everything for me, or getting that visit. So I picked Doris... Knew she wouldn't show when I needed her. But... still hoping the chaplain gets lucky when the time comes. She deserves to know how it feels. Even better if, by some miracle, I happen to be on the phone with her when the kill shot comes. That'd be really nice." 

The short monologue came out slow, in between sips of water that Danny helped him with, breaks to catch his breath, wincing in pain as he shifted on the hospital bed... breaks to make sure he didn't drown in all the emotion.

Usually, Danny enjoyed the truth serum, also known as kick ass pain meds. They made Steve into a big goof ball, with his drugged professions of love, the real reasons why he continued to rile Danny up, all normal, good stuff. Hey, he had to find a silver lining in spending so much time next to the SEALs hospital bed, right? He wasn't liking them so much tonight, though. What kind of morose German painkiller had they shot him up with?

Because, holy fuck, this better not pass for 'normal' and 'true' thoughts in McGarrett's head these days.

"I'm done, Danno." Danny supposed maybe that meant they did. Which... fuck.

"I know you are. Thank you for admitting it." Danny ran his hands through Steve's hair. "So you know what you need to do? You need to come home, to your family. Let us help you. You do not do... whatever this is," he waved at Steve's wounded body. "What, suicide by terrorist? Jesus, Steve." That hand now rubbed at his face. 

"Danny, no. That's not what this—"

"Semantics, Steve. I know, okay? I know how it feels to have all that misplaced guilt welling up in you. I gave up once and you dragged me back from Colombia. Made me see the mistake I made. It's time I did the same for you." Difference was, Danny knew exactly what he'd lose, or, more to the point, what Grace would lose, if he'd died in that prison. He thought that, maybe, Steve knew it about himself as well, but it just wouldn't compute in his stunted, Neanderthal brain. Or maybe he just refused to let it compute.

Steve looked away, toward the door, like he was willing someone to come in and interrupt them. "What was I supposed to tell Grace, huh? If they could actually shoot for shit?" Low blow, but he knew how Steve felt about Grace. Maybe it should have bothered him that another man, not a parent, thought of her like his own. But it didn't bother him; this was Steve. Also, at this point, he could use all the help he could get. And Grace, God bless her, had his back, too.

"What happened to us growing into old, grey men on your lanai? Ranting about our women, bitching at punk kids to get off our respective lawns, and trying to keep up with our grandkids with our bad knees and screaming joints? Huh? I know things got too much, babe. I know you needed a break and somehow going back to being the elite of the Navy's fucking elite was an escape for you but... you need to come home now." 

That earned him nothing but Steve shaking his head and squeezing his eyes shut. Like he could block Danny out if he tried hard enough.

"At least come home while you recuperate." 

"Can't, Danno, they need me, even if it's just desk duty." 

"You hate desk duty." 

"Yeah, but it's not for long. I've done it before, and they always sign me off early." Danny just sighed, took his hand again and sat back in his chair.

"I still love you, you know. And so does Grace. And Mary." Maybe if he told him that enough, if he knew how much he meant to his family, he'd believe it one day. He lost one brother; Danny'd be damned if he lost another. Steve didn't open his eyes, but he relaxed and smiled and Danny supposed that was better than nothing.

"Love you, too, Danno," the words were almost slurred as he slipped back into unconsciousness. 

Maybe things weren't hopeless after all.

Danny sat with his friend, his brother, for another five or ten minutes, until he was certain he was back asleep, then slipped back out into the hall to find Jake.

He felt almost like he was betraying Steve but... even if Steve ended up hating him for this; never spoke to him again – which, really, would be different from the past year how? – he had to do it. He sunk into a plastic chair near the other SEAL.

"You gotta do something, man. Make sure his doctor or shrink or whatever doesn't clear him for duty. He's so fucked right now." He stopped for a deep breath. "You think Grace-look-alikes are bad? Next time he might take you guys with him. But that Neanderthal Animal is a fucking pro at throwing a Psych Eval. I've seen him do it. Once I saw him thisclose to literally charming the panties off a doc – a very male, very close to retirement and very happy with his wife – shrink. I swear the guy even drew little hearts on his release papers." He let out a long sigh and rubbed his hands hard over his face. "Steve won't survive it next time."

Jake hung his head and let out a long breath of his own. "Not gonna be that easy if Smooth Dog's not gonna cooperate. He's still the fucking best and our CO's a hard ass. If he wants to pass the eval, they're not gonna look too hard for reasons not to sign that paper."

"Jesus fucking Christ. No wonder we're spending so long in dusty countries. You guys keep sending the mortally wounded back in to fight another day."

"Yeah, tell me about it. Look, I'm with you. I'll do my best. I just don't think I'm going to be able to do anything to help. But I got your boy's back."


	21. A Sort of Homecoming

_"Here we come_  
_Walkin' down the street_  
_We get the funniest looks from_  
_Every one we meet"_

I stop my briefing mid-sentence, suck in a breath that I feel in my ribs that still ache sometimes.

"Steve?" I think Jake's trying to get my attention, but all I hear is that song. That damn song. I'm imagining it right?

_"Hey, hey, we're the Monkees_  
_And people say we monkey around_  
_But we're too busy singing_  
_To put anybody down"_

I look down at the table where the vibration of my phone is making it dance on the shiny surface as it lights up, trying to get my attention. I was sure I put it on silent and only two numbers have over-ride on the DND setting. But it can't be, right?

I pick up the phone.

"Grace?"

"Uncle Steve! I'm sorry, I know I'm not supposed to call." I move away from the table so quickly, I almost knock down my chair and a moment later I'm out in the hall, ignoring whatever my Team is saying to me as I leave. 

"Gracie, it's okay kiddo. It's gonna be okay. What's wrong?" I haven't seen her or spoken to her since that too-short morning visit almost ten months ago, but I recognize the fear in her voice.

"Danno." She sniffs and I'm already moving through the halls to find Hankinson's office. "Danno hasn't called me in three days, Steve. Mom says he's busy with work but..." 

But it doesn't matter how busy Danny is with work, he'd never go three days without speaking to his monkey. I'm pretty sure the last year and a half haven't changed that. And I'm not about to lie to Grace like her mother is.

"Hey Gracie," but she's still crying and I don't think she's listening. I try again, more forceful, but sure to not sound angry. "Grace! Listen to me, okay?" Her sobs quiet down and she responds with a broken little grunt. "I'll be there as soon as I can. You just hang tight. Your mom's just trying to help, okay. You gotta remember that she's scared, too. It's gonna be okay, kiddo. All right?"

"Yeah."

I look up and see that I'm already at his office. I just hope he's in. I don't have time to wait. This is not fucking happening.

"Okay listen, Grace. I have to go, okay? Be good for your mom and just remember," I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment and swallow hard. It's my nightmare coming true. "Danno loves you."

"Thanks, Uncle Steve."

"Anytime, Gracie."

It's one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I hang up on her and open the door. His secretary is there, a pretty Petty Officer whose name I usually know but right now my head's too full to think of. 

"Is Commander Hankinson available, please?" I ask her before I've even crossed half the room.

"He's just about to go into a meeting, Sir." 

"It's very important. An emergency's come up." I struggle to find the charming smile that I know gets me anything I want. It must work, because now she's on the phone for a moment before waving me towards his office.

"He says he can spare you two minutes." 

I nod my thanks and enter the office. It's not until I'm standing at attention, almost shaking with tension, in front of Hankinson's desk that I realize my leg is killing me. Rushing around the building probably wasn't the best idea.

"McGarrett, I thought you were in a briefing?" I notice he hasn't allowed me to stand at ease. 

"Yessir, but I just got a call from Hawaii and a family emergency has come up. If possible, I need to take a few days to go home and deal with it. Even if it's just the weekend."

He narrows his eyes at me. "I was under the impression you didn't have any family."

I take a deep breath, clench my jaw. I really don't have time for this shit right now. Either grant me time off, or dismiss me. I've got places to be. "I do have family in Hawaii. Sir."

"Well," he begins, and folds his hands on the desk in front of him. I know what that means. "I'm sorry to hear that there is some trouble back home, McGarrett, but our exercise starts on Monday. The SAS and JTF2 aren't going to just wait around because one of our SEALs needs to go play nurse maid to his girlfriend or mother or whatever your problem is."

Yeah, that's about what I expected. 

"Sir, Lieutenant Costas is more than capable of handling mission prep in my absence and I will be back and ready to report to duty first thing Monday morning. I have not taken any leave since returning to active duty almost a year and a half ago. In fact, I've also worked every major holiday to allow others to go home to their families."

"Then yours can't possibly need you that bad, if you haven't even bothered to go see them, can they?" Maybe most of them don't need me. But Grace does. And they are my family, even if I'm on the run. Besides, Danny showed up in Germany for me less than three weeks ago. I owe him.

"Sir, the doctors in Rammstein—"

He stands. Very slowly. "Lieutenant Commander McGarrett. Are you seriously arguing with me right now?"

I take another deep breath. "No, Sir."

"The doctors here at Coronado cleared you for full duty, correct?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Then there's no reason to extend a medical leave that has already ended. No leaves are approved until this training exercise is over." A week and a half from now. Danny could be dead by then, if he isn't already. "If things are quiet after that, I'll consider your request."

I open my mouth to say something and he just raises a barely there eyebrow and dismisses me. I salute, spin on my heel and leave the office, only allowing myself a limp after I close the door behind me. I make it to an uncomfortable plastic chair and drop into it, massaging my thigh for a minute as I work out the kinks from my little speed walk followed by standing in the office. 

When the pain subsides to a dull ache and I'm about to stand up and head back to the briefing room, Costas comes into the room. He sees me and comes over and discreetly helps me stand.

"Thanks."

"No problem. Hey, what's going on, man? Everything okay with your partner's daughter?" I look over at Petty Officer... Clarkson. That was it. She's smiling at us. I smile back and turn Costas toward the door. 

"Let's go outside." I manage to hide the limp, but we walk slow down the hall until we make it back to the briefing room, now empty.

"I, uh, handled the rest of the briefing for you."

"Thanks," I say again, sitting in a chair. The injury's easy enough to ignore if I spend enough time sitting down. "Sorry about that."

"Hey, no problem. What's going on?"

"Danny... D-Danny's missing. I've gotta go home for a few days." I don't miss the twitch of his mouth when I call Hawaii home. 

"Hey, you do what you gotta do. Be with your family. I'll hold down the fort. It's just a training exercise. We can handle it."

"I know you can. Thanks, man." I don't tell him that my leave wasn't approved. I don't want him thinking he needs to try and help me when Hankinson realizes I'm gone. I can't have him lying for me. "Alright, I gotta go. Thanks again."

505050

I used a non-Naval alias to book the earliest, fastest flight home I could find but I was still surprised that I wasn't met by MPs at the gate. Wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth, though.

While waiting in airports and on flights that felt longer than any other I've been on - and I've been on some long fucking flights - I logged into the Five-0 servers, and used all the Naval resources I was able to on the laptop I borrowed from my office to figure out what the fuck was going on. By the time I landed I had a plan of attack, one that I was certain would work.

I'm pretty sure this is fall-out from a case gone bad a few months ago. Payback. And the perps were always a step ahead of Five-0 as they tried to locate Danny because they either had a leak or they were being surveiled. Or both. Good thing I'm not Five-0. They won't be expecting me. Assuming, of course, that the Team didn't notice 'Danny' hack into their system and discuss it in detail all over the offices and their phones. Guy really needs to switch up his password system.

But I've got one stop to make first so, less than twelve hours after Grace called me, I'm pulling up to the Edward's residence in a rental. I get out and press the buzzer at the gate. A familiar English accent answers.

"Rachel? It's Steve McGarrett."

"Commander!" And the gate's opening almost before she even finishes the word. I don't bother getting back the car, just head to the front door as quick as my leg will let me. As I get to the top step of the porch, my arms are full of a teary-eyed Grace.

"Uncle Steve! You came." I smooth down her hair, kiss the top of her head.

"Of course I did, kiddo. Came as soon as I could. I can't stay here long, though. I gotta go get Danno. I just wanted to see you and let you know I'm gonna get him back for you, okay?" I feel her nod against my chest and I look up and mouth a 'thank you' to Rachel, standing in the doorway, for allowing me to see her.

I step back, crouch down to meet her eyes. "I gotta go, okay? Remember what I told you this morning?"

She nods. "Danno loves me."

"That's right, Grace. And I love you, too. I'll get him home before you know it, all right?" I give her another tight squeeze and a kiss and head back to the car.


	22. Enter the Ninja

Ninjas.

Danny opened his eyes to a dark room. They were slow to adjust and when they did, all the shapes he could make out were blurry, but there was definitely at least one ninja in the room. Sometimes there were two black shadows, moving in perfect unison with each other, mere inches apart. The ninjas were silent, but the room echoed with the grunts and screams of their victims, the sounds of flesh hitting flesh, the thud of falling bodies, and gunshots ringing in the air, hurting his head.

He'd never seen a ninja in real life. At least, he didn't think so. But ninjas were kind of sneaky little shits normally, weren't they? Maybe he'd seen one and they used some kind of ninja brain power to make him forget. Maybe he'd forget about this ninja.

It was also possible the drugs he'd been given were fucking with his brain.

The second time he woke, the ninja fight seemed to be over. They sat on the floor just in front of him, talking on a phone in one voice that sounded familiar, but he couldn't quite place. Who knew ninjas used cell phones? Or sat on the floor? He caught only snippets of the conversation.

"Yeah Chin, it's me... fine... roughed up... drugged... be alright."

"N'ja..." Danny mumbled and he heard the ninjas chuckle before he was unconscious again.

After that, Danny drifted in and out, never in one state for very long. The first few times, it was dark and the ninjas were talking to him, though at that point, Danny was pretty certain they weren't actually ninjas. He was also pretty sure that there was only one of them and that he was seeing double. 

The next few times, it was bright and there were too many different sounds to pick apart. It all hurt his head. He couldn't see the man who may or may not have been a ninja, but he thought he was close by anyway. He felt motion, like he was on a boat or in a car or something.

The third time he really woke up, he was lying in a bed. The room was silent except for a rhythmic beeping. The harsh lights and white walls hurt his eyes and he grunted.

"Danny? Hey buddy."

Frowning, Danny turned towards the voice and, sitting in a chair next to him, was the not-a-ninja. Except, it kinda was a ninja. One with a huge, goofy grin.

"Steve."

"Yeah, Danno. How you feeling?"

He licked his lips. "Thirsty."

"Yeah, of course. Just a sec." He turned to the table behind him and Danny didn't miss the wince of pain as he turned, and then he noticed the crutches leaning against the chair. He struggled to sit up.

"Steve, are you okay?"

His friend turned back with a scowl and put a gentle hand on his shoulder to keep him down.

"Settle down, Danny. Who's the one in the hospital bed, huh? I just aggravated the injuries you already knew about. Chill out so I can get you some water, all right?"

Danny did as ordered – he _was_ tired, after all – but eyed the SEAL suspiciously as he poured some water and helped Danny drink. He thanked him and settled back onto the bed.

"Did the team call you?" Which didn't make any sense because Steve had never given any of them his contact info and they'd all respected his obvious wishes to remain hidden and not searched him out. Still, he probably wouldn't have been that hard to track down if they'd tired, if they were desperate for help. The way Steve was shifting in his seat though, chewing on his lip and not meeting his eyes, Danny didn't think so.

"No. Uh... Grace called me."

Danny raised an eyebrow. "Grace." Steve looked away and nodded and Danny decided not to ask how that had happened. At least, not right now.

"I talked to Rachel not long ago actually. She's bringing Grace. They should here soon."

"Thanks."

"Of course."

"So, uh, what happened?"

"Chin and Kono will be able to give you more of the details. They're at the Palace now, dealing with the suspects. One of which is a cop. He was a mole who managed to not only report on Five-0's movements using HPD resources, but was running surveillance on the Team as well. Kept them all a few steps ahead while they were looking for you. Basically it was payback for charging the lawyer in that double-homicide you guys solved last month."

"Great." Danny took stock of his body. Achy all over, but he didn't think there was anything too bad. "So, when can I get outta here, huh?"

Steve grinned at the expected question. "In the morning, probably. They need to rehydrate you, flush the drugs out of your system, and you got a nasty concussion there. Otherwise, you've got some bruised ribs and some cuts and scrapes. Nothing too bad. You'll be fine in no time. Oh, and thanks for not getting rid of the weapons stash at the house. That came in really handy."

Danny smirked. "Since when do crazy ninjas need assault rifles?"

Steve laughed. "Since they sometimes, once in a while, listen to their partners and call in back-up."

Though he narrowed his eyes, Danny was still smiling. "I don't think that counts."

They were interrupted before the ninja in question could throw a retort.

"Danno!"

"Hey, Monkey!"

Rachel stayed just inside the room by the door, letting go of Grace's hand so she could run to her father's bedside. Steve helped her up, making sure she didn't disturb Danny's IV and other wires and machines and then sat back in his chair with a grin almost as wide as Danny's. Father and daughter wrapped their arms around each other.

"Danno, are you really okay?"

"You bet, Monkey. And I'm even better now that you're here."

She settled into the bed next to him, neither letting go, and turned to Steve.

"Thank you, Uncle Steve."

"Hey, no problem, kiddo. Told you I got Danno's back."

Danny listened to his daughter chatter about whatever she needed or wanted to tell him for a few minutes until the sound of heavy boots drew everyone's attention to the door. Danny looked up to find two scowling men with MP patches on the shoulders of their combats entering his now very crowded hospital room. Rachel's eyes were wide with shock. The men's' eyes searched the small room, quickly landing on Steve. The scowls deepened.

"Lieutenant Commander Steven McGarrett?"

Steve sighed and reached down to the floor. The men's hands flew to their weapons, causing Rachel to gasp. Steve put his hands up to show them they were empty.

"Chill out, guys. I'm coming. Just getting my stuff." They kept their hands on their weapons, but didn't draw them, and one nodded at him to continue. Steve reached down to pick up a messenger bag from the floor and slung it over his shoulder before reaching for his crutches. Danny turned to him and narrowed his eyes.

"Steven, why are these nice police officers in my hospital room?"

Steve stood and did that lip-chewing-shifty-eye thing again. He scratched the back of his neck. "I... uh... may be a little... um... AWOL?... right now."

"What!"

"You are also being charged with insubordination, theft of government property, and misuse of government resources."

Steve winced as he looked down at Danny. "Uh, yeah. That too."

"Steven, what the actual f—"

"Did I get you in trouble, Uncle Steve?" Grace asked, looking up at the SEAL with large, frightened eyes. He ruffed her hair.

"No way, okay, kiddo? You did great, you hear me?" She nodded and sniffed. "I'm super proud of you, Grace. I gotta go, though, okay? Take care of Danno. Love you."

"I will. Love you, too, Uncle Steve." He kissed the top of her head and winked at Danny.

"See ya later, buddy." Steve nodded to Rachel as he made his way towards the MPs and handed them the laptop. "Rachel."

"Commander." She nodded and moved closer to Danny and Grace as the MPs escorted Steve from the room.


	23. Vacation's Over Redux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go. The end! It's possible that I'll write more in this 'verse in the future, I have a couple of very abstract ideas running around. Probably not for quite a while though. Thank you for joining me on this little journey!

I've lost track of how long I've been standing here. Not too long, I don't think, but long enough that my injured leg is twitching. Twenty minutes maybe? The MPs surprised me by bringing me to this office and not the brig. Admiral McLeod was here, reading a file at his desk, when they escorted me into the room and left, closing the door behind them. I snapped to attention, but he hasn't even acknowledged my presence yet. I suppose I kind of deserve it.

I stand here another five minutes before he finally pushes the file to the side and leans back in his chair. He finally returns my salute before diving in.

"Let me get this straight. Days before a major international exercise, you requested leave, were denied that leave, and decided to take it anyway. You took your government issued laptop with you on this unapproved leave, used that laptop on an unsecured connection to access Naval systems for personal use, and then used that information to run your own covert operation on U.S. soil. Does all that sound about right?"

"Yessir."

"And this a couple of years after being written up by an Army General in Afghanistan for unsanctioned actions in his theater. A few years after Commander Joseph White was discharged for hauling you out of North Korea. There's also rumours of you causing some trouble in Colombia which, given your sudden interest in the area when your entire Naval career prior to your reactivation has been focused on Southeast Asia and the Middle East, I'm tempted to believe. This points to a pretty damning prior history."

"Yessir."

"Were you aware that Commander Hankinson ordered the Military Police here at Pearl Harbor-Hickam to apprehend you on your arrival at the airport?"

"No, Sir."

He doesn't say anything for a minute.

"At ease." I can't help the sigh of relief as I slump into what I know is a pretty sloppy Parade Rest.

"Why don't you take a seat?"

"I'm fine, Sir." 

He raises an eyebrow. "Steve, stop being so damn stubborn and get off that leg. I'm done torturing you for the moment."

"Thank you, Sir." I sink into the plush chair across from him and yeah, that feels pretty fucking good.

"I understand the extenuating circumstances here. I had a good long talk with Lieutenant Costas after calling Hankinson off. I know why you left, which is the main reason I had the MPs hold off until I knew Detective Williams was safe and sound. Despite what you've done here, I knew you weren't a flight risk."

"Thank you. I really appreciate that, Sir." I really don't want to think about what I would have done if they hadn't waited.

"Now, I have to say, I'm surprised you weren't still on medical leave, anyway. Given the extent of your injury, you should have been off for a few more weeks yet, at least."

"According to the physicians in Rammstein, yes, Sir. The docs in Coronado did not agree."

"Mmm. I'll be speaking with them when I get back. You can't even stand for half an hour and they're calling you combat ready? I don't care how much you're needed in the field, two weeks leave was not enough time, especially when I know Hankinson had you working off the books that whole time." 

He hasn't technically asked a question, so I neither confirm nor deny.

"Lieutenant Costas also told me of a conversation he had with Williams when he visited you in Germany. Detective Williams was concerned that you would manage to pass your Psych Eval, though he didn't think you should. He also told me how you were injured in the first place." Costas is a big fat fucking loud mouth, but I suppose I can't really blame him.

"Look, Steve. I'm going to level with you. Hankinson is pushing to strip you of your rank and benefits and a dishonourable discharge. That's a bit extreme. You're a damn fine officer and it would be a shame for the Navy to lose you. But you've got a lot of strikes against you. The seriousness of these charges, the fact that I was unable to keep this under the radar, the reprimands already on your file, what I know a Psych Eval by doctors who are _not_ Hankinson's close personal friends will say, and the fact that this will not be an isolated event if your family is ever threatened again. I just can't ignore this. You understand that, right?"

"Yes, Sir. I knew what the consequences would be when I left. I had to do it. And you're right, I would do it again if needed. I'm ready for whatever disciplinary action you and the Navy believe is appropriate."

"Happy to hear it. You're not gonna like it. First, I want you to know that I had put your name in for a promotion to full Commander. I'll be rescinding that recommendation."

"Understood, Sir."

"Second, You've got some appointments this afternoon. You will report to Tripler. Get your leg checked out. Do what the doctors tell you. That's an order."

"Yes, Sir."

"You will also get that Psych Eval. I want a proper one on your file. You will not be able to charm this doctor into submission, I assure you. You will follow his orders and recommendations." I'm certain the scowl that crosses my face would have me up on even more charges if I were in front of anyone else. "No matter what happens, you're a good man and I want you to stay that way. Because, honestly, Steve? I've been keeping my eye on you, especially since you came back. They way you're going, you won't last a year." He's probably not wrong, but I'm just gonna add that to the list of shit I don't want to think about right now.

"Finally, effective tomorrow, you are on one month's leave without pay or benefits."

"Yessir." 

The Admiral leans forward on his desk. "Steve, I want you to take this month and really think about your priorities and your options and where your life has brought you. I believe the reasons you joined the Navy, and became a SEAL, no longer apply and I couldn't be happier for you. Your father would be proud of where you've ended up." I raise an eyebrow. That's highly unlikely. 

"He would, Steve. Now, in a month, you'll report to me with your decision. You've just hit your Twenty. Take it and retire with full rank, privileges and benefits. Stay home here in Hawaii or do whatever you want. Your other option is to stay in the Navy. We can certainly use you. If you choose to stay, you will be transferred out of the SEALs. You'll have a desk job, Steve. Probably back in Naval Intelligence."

I close my eyes and let out a long breath. I'd rather if he just discharged me.

"You understand why I'm doing this, Steve?"

"Yes. Maybe." No. "I don't know, Sir."

"Well, you've got a month to figure it out." He stands. "Please call me if you need to talk while you make this decision and really think about this. Talk to your family about it. Let them in; let them help you." I nod. "Good. The Petty Officer will have your orders. Dismissed."

505050

I wake up to a cramped neck, aching body, sun streaming through a window and bright blue eyes watching me from a hospital bed. I stretch, though it doesn't help the aches, and lean forward in the hard chair.

"Steven."

"Daniel."

"Please tell me you did not get shanked and break out of prison again."

I can't help but laugh at that. "Nope. No prison breaks today."

"Oh, good. Cause I don't think I'm up for all that excitement today."

"Yeah, me neither." We don't say anything for a minute or two and I spend that time wondering why I even came here. I should have found a hotel room when I finally stopped driving aimlessly around the island. Of course, looks like income is non-existent for the next month. Crashing in Danny's hospital room is free.

"Hey, is Gracie okay? I'm really sorry about yesterday. She shouldn't have had to see that. Not after..." Not after watching her dad get hauled off. "I shouldn't have hung around."

"Yeah, she'll be fine. And I'm glad you did. Maybe we should swing by and see her after I break out of this prison. Show her we're both okay." He narrows his eyes and studies me. "Are you okay?"

I shrug. "I got off easier than Joe did after North Korea, so I suppose I shouldn't complain. But, you know, he invaded enemy territory and could have, in theory, started World War Three so... there's that."

Danny's eyes are wide, like he never really considered that until now. I let him hang for a bit before laughing.

"Relax, I'm exaggerating." Danny relaxed. "Mostly."

He narrows his eyes at me and I just smirk, but before either of us can say anything else, his doctor comes into the room.

505050

An hour later, I'm in the driver's seat of the Camaro on our way to Rachel's. Danny has been pretty quiet since we left the hospital which is never a good thing. At least, it never used to be and I'm guessing that hasn't changed. But whatever is on his mind it's probably better to get this out in the open before we get to Grace.

"What?" I finally ask, tightening my hands on the wheel.

"I didn't say anything."

"I know you didn't. So what's up?"

"You were AWOL."

"Yeah," I say, sparing a brief glance over to him, then back to the road. He's looking at me like he just found out I was actually a seal or something.

"I didn't realize that was something you were actually physically capable of doing. I mean, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. You went AWOL from Five-0 enough times. Just didn't realize you were capable of doing that in the Navy, too."

I shrug. Been doing that a lot lately. "Gracie needed me."

He's opening and closing his mouth, like he wants to rant, but those three words stole it from him. That's definitely the main reason I came. Five-0 would have got to him and I'm sure it would've been in time but... I couldn't risk that.

"So, what happened? You're not, like, in the brig or whatever."

I let out a long breath as I remember that meeting yesterday. I've just felt numb about it all. It's something I didn't really need to think about or even really acknowledge until now. Until I have to say it out loud. I've lost everything I've been working towards since I was sixteen. I've lost the only place I ever felt like I belonged.

Until I found Five-0.

"Babe?"

Another long, steadying breath and I look at Danny again. "I'm currently on a month's unpaid leave. I lost the promotion I was up for, which is fine. I would have turned it down anyway. Full Commander would have meant a desk job." I stop for a moment; swallow hard.

"That's it?"

All I can do is shake my head, keep my eyes fixed on the road ahead of us. Once I say it, it's real.

"I was given a choice. Retire or a desk back at Naval Intelligence. Either way, I'll never serve in a SEAL Team again."

"Shit, Steven," Danny finally says after a couple minutes of silence, like we're memorializing my fucking career or something. "I can't believe you ruined your career for us."

Another shrug, but I don't hesitate in answering him. "I knew what the consequences would be when I did it." I look over at him as I speak for as long as I can before I'm forced to turn back to the road. I want him to see I mean what I'm saying. "I don't regret it and I'd do it again." I guess I'm starting to learn what my priorities really are.

"Are you okay? Do you know what you're gonna do?"

I busy myself pulling up to Rachel's gate and shutting off the engine. Finally, I really look at Danny. Even I'm not sure which question I'm answering when I say: "I don't know, Danny."

He reaches over, puts his hand on my shoulder and gives a comforting squeeze. "Whatever you end up doing, just don't shut us out this time, okay babe? We're here for you, right?"

"Yeah Danny. I won't." He raises an eyebrow. "I promise." Maybe I'm learning. Old dog, new tricks? I reach for the door. "Now go see your daughter."

He grins and gets out of the car. I do, too, leaving the crutches behind, pocketing the keys and learning against the hood of the car to watch Danny as he talks to Rachel through the intercom. The gate buzzes and he pushes it open, looking back at me and sighing like I've annoyed him. 

Sometimes I think I annoy him just by breathing.

I kinda miss that.

"You coming or you just gonna stand there like a Neanderthal?"

"You take your time with her. I'll wait for you here."

He rolls his eyes and crosses the threshold. "Get your ass over here, you goof."

I laugh, shake my head, but follow anyway. At this point, I realize I'll do pretty much anything Danny tells me to do.

As usual, Grace has the door flung open by the time we get there. Standing behind Danny, I watch father and daughter and nod a greeting at Rachel over their heads. Once Grace is convinced that Danno is fine, she lets him go and wraps her arms around me. I hug her back, crouching down to her level, managing not to wince, though just barely.

"Hi Uncle Steve!"

"Hey Gracie. Did I ever tell you that you give the best hugs?" She giggles and nods and tells me that yes, I did. "Good. 'Cause it's true." She pulls back to look at me. I can see her looking me over, studying me.

"Do you need another one?"

"I'll always take a hug if you're offering, kiddo." So she hugs me again, tight. Yeah I think I really kind of needed that. I pull away from her after a few minutes and stand.

"Have you been keeping up with your surf lessons with Kono?"

She grins and that's just about perfect. "Yep! Danno, too." I raise an eyebrow and turn to him.

"Really, now?"

"Shut up, Steven."

Grace laughs. "Aunt Kono says I'm getting really good."

"I'll bet you are. Hey, how about on your next weekend with Danno, we go surfing and you can show me how good you've gotten? If it's alright with him, of a course."

Her eyes go wide with excitement and she tugs on her father's arm. "Can we, Danno?"

He sighs like he's not happy about it. "Yeah, alright, fine." Grace turns back to look at me.

"You'll still be here then, Uncle Steve?"

I grin and nod. "Yep."

She chews on her lip and while she still looks excited at the surf date, I can see a bit of worry teasing the edges of her expression.

"Are you here forever?"

Five minutes ago, I had no idea what I was going to do, happy to have the month to decide but not sure even that would be enough time. Stay in the Navy doing something that I'd excel at, but hate? Or leave the only place that ever felt like home, at least until six years ago, and do almost anything I want. It's not as easy a decision as it may sound like. At least, I didn't think so.

I look down into the brown eyes of the girl who calls me Uncle, who I love more than a niece. I look over at her father, my best friend, who, a year after I left, still dropped everything to visit me in a hospital half a world away, who was in danger even without my interference. Who has done nothing but try and help me, be supportive. He frowns and touches my back.

"Babe?"

Yeah, maybe this decision isn't so hard after all. I turn back to Grace.

"Yeah, Gracie, forever. I'm going to leave the Navy." 

I have no idea what the hell I'm gonna do – beg for a job with Five-0? Civvie job at Pearl? Something else? No clue. All that matters is that brilliant smile and bright brown eyes; the hand tightening on my back and I'm pretty sure if I turned to look, Danny's smile would match his daughters. Who knew anyone would care so much if I stuck around?

Yeah, it's time that this crazy little Navy vacation is over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, y'all I've got a challenge/idea/prompt for you guys. I had an idea for a story, but I'm not interested in writing it. Any takers? Just let me know where to read it. :)
> 
> My idea is that Steve needs to choose between Danny and Grace. (Like, a gunman is going to kill one and he has to decide which one dies, or there's an accident (or not an accident) and he only has time to save one). Now, maybe (hopefully!) it all works out in the end and everyone is saved, but it would still suck for a while! lol
> 
> I'd really like to read this so if I get to impose stipulations, they'd be: as close to canon as possible (no sci-fi, fantasy, historical, majorly AU, etc.) and I'm happy with either Bromance or McDanno, but no Mpreg. 
> 
> Any takers? I'd love to read this story! lol :D


End file.
